Reprieve
by Jara
Summary: Jack never thought that SG-1 would end this way. (SJ of course)


Disclaimer: All publicly recognisable characters and places are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret productions. I'm just borrowing. Rating: PG Classification: Angst/Suspense/UST SJ Set: Season 7 (I haven't seen this season yet so no spoilers specific spoilers except that Daniel and Jonas are present) Spoilers: vague ones for Abyss (and basic knowledge of the SJ relationship) Warning: Main character death  
  
Huge big thank you to my betareader chiroho who went through this whole fic. Huge big knuffels for my guinea pigs splash_the_cat, stars_like_dust and nhawk78 without their encouragement and reassurances, this fic might not even be here.  
  
A/N: I wrote the epilogue to this fic months ago but when I read what I had written down, it didn't feel right. My muse got cranky with it and took off, starting a whole bunch of other fics and condemning this idea. Then one day, I remembered and dug the fic up. I reread it and realised perhaps it was not that bad. As a test I let nhawk and splash_the_cat read it through and they didn't kill me for it. The idea suddenly became appealing again and a plot showed up out of nowhere, even if it was still vague. Like possessed my muse clung to this fic with a determination she has rarely shown before.  
  
Now, finally, it's finished. It's the longest, completed fic I have written up until now. It was the hardest thing I ever wrote down but at the same time the most liberating. When I will look at it again in a few weeks, I'll probably see this different. But right now, it's the most important thing I have ever written. Simply because it has the most of 'me' in it. I've been told it shows, I hope it does.  
  
Feedback will be welcomed with open arms.  
  
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Prologue  
  
Jack never thought that SG-1 would end this way. He'd always imagined that they'd go down in a blaze of glory, dragging some Goa'uld ass with them. Not once had it entered his mind that they would simply fall apart. Not from fighting some evil race that for no apparent reason had it in for earth; but by a disease, a common, in some cases even treatable, disease.  
  
He remembered the night Carter had told them. She'd invited the whole of SG- 1, including Jonas, Cassie, and Janet Fraiser, for dinner at her house. The Doc had been the only one who'd already known what Sam was going to say. The blow her words dealt him on that lovely summer evening still left its impression. He hadn't known back then what to do, and he still didn't know now. His initial impulse had been to punch someone... something... anything. The anger within him had seemed so familiar, and just like before, it had left him feeling helpless. Years of military training still hadn't taught him how to handle these kind of situations.  
  
Daniel and Jonas had hugged Sam, telling her they would be there for her no matter what, and Teal'c had done pretty much the same. Then the Jaffa had whispered something to her, and the smile she'd given had filled him with jealously. Cassie had cried, clinging to Sam for dear life, but after a while the teenager had calmed down, and they both seemed to have accepted what fate had dealt them. And him? All he could do was stand there awkwardly, angry at her... angry at the world. He didn't even remember what he'd said, just that she'd smiled at his poor excuse for a joke, and reassured him that she wasn't giving up... that she was going to fight this.  
  
Afterwards, he'd driven Teal'c and Jonas back to the base. Jonas had been babbling about Sam's condition, so Jack had just zoned him out, letting Teal'c handle him. The rest of the night he'd spent in the gym, hitting the punching bag as if it personally was responsible for Carter having cancer. It was only then that he allowed himself to acknowledge the truth, hitting the bag even harder. He only left the gym when Teal'c entered the next morning for his daily exercises.  
  
A month passed. Sam had gone through chemotherapy after they announced that the healing device couldn't help her. The cancer had grown too far too fast, and they were powerless. It had been a rough month for everyone. Sam was constantly sick, and SG-1 was taking turns looking over her. Well, at least Daniel, Jonas and Teal'c were. He'd offered to help as well, politely making sure she wouldn't feel obliged to take him up on it. She hadn't, so he listened silently every morning about what was happening with Sam, a pang of guilt going through him every time her name was mentioned. He should have been there for her, but he couldn't. Jack O'Neill was incapable of dealing with anything as serious as this, everyone knew that. Sara certainly knew that - it was why she'd left him.  
  
Then, three months later, he knew what was coming, even though he hadn't listened to anything that had been said in the briefing. He didn't have to. He knew exactly what was happening the moment the iris opened that morning, and Jacob Carter walked down the ramp. They had a solution, and Carter had agreed. He wasn't sure whether he felt relieved or betrayed. She wasn't getting better - each day had been worse, and now the only hope left was no hope at all. He hadn't objected, he hadn't shouted out "Over my dead body". It was her choice.  
  
"Sam, I'm sure you'll like Ilina, she's a scientist. Her previous host died recently, at the age of 346. Selmak really likes her they've been friends for a long time. Now this is only temporarily. Once she has healed the cancer, Ilina has agreed to leave once a new host has been found." Jacob Carter softly explained to his daughter, but was interrupted by Jack's sneer.  
  
The glare he received from the Tok'ra was enough to silence him, and soon he helped carry the stretcher bearing his second-in-command through the Stargate. He didn't stay to watch the blending - the idea alone was sickening.  
  
Before coming back to earth, he said his goodbyes. Never in his life had he seen her look so weak and defenceless.  
  
He gently picked up her hand, and stroked back her thinning hair from her forehead. She gave him a weary but honest smile in return.  
  
"You take care of yourself, okay?" His voice sounded much softer than he'd intended it to.  
  
Sam nodded. "Dad will look after me." She told him weakly, and although he knew the man would do everything he could for his daughter, it still didn't reassure him. Then again, nothing would, unless it was him looking out for her.  
  
"Yeah, he will." He couldn't help the sigh, but simply shook his head when she looked at him worriedly. "Get some rest, Carter. You have a lot of healing ahead of you."  
  
He'd left her there, knowing that the hollow, sickening feeling would not leave until he saw her safely back at the SGC, without a snake in her head. He told himself over and over again that his experience wouldn't be repeated, but it didn't help. He spent the next three weeks walking around in a daze.  
  
She did come back, but not alone. Besides her father as a companion, she still carried the Tok'ra within her. There was a short greeting, awkwardness present on both sides.  
  
"Sir," she addressed General Hammond as she walked down the ramp, "we need to talk." No formalities, no beating around the bush. The sinking feeling in his stomach intensified.  
  
Fifteen minutes later, everyone was seated in the briefing room. Carter, Jacob and Daniel on one side of the table, Teal'c, Jonas and himself on the other. The expression on Hammond's face was probably as dark as his own. He listened with a strange detachment when Carter started talking. It was Sam's voice, he noted with some bitterness.  
  
"Sir, for three weeks I've had the change to get to know Ilina." She started talking softly, her hands clasped on the tabletop. His eyes drifted to her hands, and he noted with some sadness that she didn't even seem nervous. Nothing about her body betrayed any kind of doubt about the words that would soon destroy the world he'd been living in for the past seven years.  
  
"She is a brilliant scientist. Her work could be fundamental in changing the course of this war. It is our belief that together we will be able to do more to defeat the Goa'uld than we could apart." Her eyes were fixed on Hammond's, ignoring him completely. He was losing her, maybe he already had. She'd made up her mind, ultimately chosen and sealed the end of SG-1's current incarnation. "I want to remain Ilina's host." The world around him turned dark, and his vision tunnelled so that all he could see was the determined set of her jaw. The rest of her words were lost to him in the turmoil of emotions that rushed through his mind.  
  
"I want to remain Ilina's host."  
  
Chapter 1  
  
The briefing lasted several hours, but only the major points were able to reach Jack's occupied mind. Jonas Quinn would return to SG-1, taking Major Carter's place, so Jack would officially be the only USAF officer on the team. Sam would return to the Tok'ra home base, together with her father, as a sort of "technology ambassador". She no longer was a member of SG-1 but would still remain on General Hammond's command. Her presence among the Tok'ra would open up a new platform for communication between the allies, and would hopefully smooth the sharing of technology - if there even was such he thing, he noted with a sneer.  
  
It was with much relief that he listened to the "Dismissed" from General Hammond, and quickly stood up. Not giving anyone a chance to follow him, he bolted out the door, and sought refuge in his office. Nobody ever expected him to be there.  
  
At least that was what he thought, as fifteen minutes and a paragraph of a report later someone knocked on the door, and let themselves in.  
  
"Ah, here you are." Daniel walked up to the desk, and let himself fall down into a chair. "We were just talking..."  
  
"We?" He interrupted, having the feeling he wasn't going to like what Daniel had to say.  
  
"Yeah, you know, Jonas, Teal'c, Janet and I." The archaeologist answered casually, and continued, probably more ignoring than not recognising Jack's annoyance. "We thought we should throw Sam a going away party."  
  
"By all means, knock yourselves out." Jack growled, not wanting to have anything to do with it.  
  
Daniel sighed and leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees. "Jack, don't be an ass. I don't think anyone likes the thought of Sam leaving."  
  
Great, just what he needed; Daniel going into lecture mode. "She can do whatever she wants." He snapped back.  
  
"Yes she can, and you can try and be supportive just for once." Their eyes met, and both glared at each other with an equal stubbornness.  
  
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" His eyes narrowed.  
  
"You know perfectly well what it means. I can count the times that you stayed with Sam the last couple of months on my one hand. The least you can do is help with this party. It's not like anyone asked you for anything... especially not Sam." Daniel stood up abruptly. "We put you in charge of the alcohol and beverages. Everything should be ready by 7 o'clock tonight in the mess." He informed him and then left the room, not giving Jack time to protest.  
  
Frustrated, Jack threw his pen down on the file in front of him. Growling, he slumped back in the chair, glaring at the closed door Daniel had just exited. Fine, they wanted him to come, so he would. He could do this, he could be civil for one night.  
  
*****  
  
Jack O'Neill was drunk. Not drunk enough that he couldn't stand up. Not drunk enough that his words were slurred. Just drunk enough that he could stand in the middle of the going away party without bashing any heads.  
  
He'd said the proper words to Carter, managing to be polite even with Daniel throwing him glares over the newest Tok'ra's shoulder. A civil handshake, a pat on the back, and a "it was an honour to have you as my 2IC" speech. He'd meant it - it had been an honour. Serving with Major Samantha Carter these last years had been a pleasure, if he was allowed to use that word. The least he could do now was to say goodbye to her in the light. But was she really still the woman he'd come to know?  
  
Leaning back against the wall, his eyes were on Sam as she talked to the General. He noted with some satisfaction that Ilina had kept quiet the whole evening. Which was probably for the best as he really didn't know what he would do if he'd to talk to the snake.  
  
"We'll take care of her, Jack." Jacob Carter's voice pulled him out of his reverie.  
  
"I know you will," he answered in a cool tone.  
  
"It wasn't easy for her to come to this decision. SG-1 means everything to her." Jacob continued.  
  
Jack did the only thing he could possibly do; he snorted.  
  
An uncomfortable silence settled between the two men, both eyes fixed on the object of their conversation.  
  
"I know you don't like the Tok'ra, Jack. But she's doing the right thing." Jacob's reconciling voice only intensified his anger.  
  
"Right for who? The Tok'ra? Because they sure as hell took the most brilliant mind the SGC has got." He pushed himself away from the wall and finally faced Jacob. "I'm pretty sure you're all happy with your newest acquisition."  
  
"Jack, this blend will benefit both Earth and the Tok'ra!" Jacob countered, taking on a defensive poise.  
  
"Yeah, sure ya betcha." Jack sneered. "This blend you're talking about, it's your own daughter. How can you do this to her?" It was a low blow, even he knew that.  
  
"Don't you dare accuse me like that!" Jacob seemed to grow an inch taller. "You rather have she'd have died?"  
  
Jack fought the blow those last words dealt him. Keeping his shoulders straight, he looked deep into Jacob's eyes. He was saved having to find a reply when Jacob continued.  
  
"What Kanan did to you was wrong, but this is Sam's choice. No one forced it on her, Jack. She understood with her own mind how important her presence with the Tok'ra could be."  
  
"How convenient." Jack retorted, and pulled away from Jacob. He didn't want to hear the reason behind Sam's choice, he didn't want to understand her. She'd decided to leave SG-1, leave him, and that was all he needed to know.  
  
"Jack!" Jacob growled, but he chose to ignore it, and with a few strides he was out of the room and making his way to the elevator.  
  
Naturally it was somewhere on the higher levels so he was forced to wait. It didn't come as a surprise when he heard hasty footsteps in the corridor behind him, and a soft voice called him.  
  
"Colonel?" She came to a halt, but he didn't turn around to face her.  
  
"You're leaving?" Sam tried as when he didn't respond.  
  
"Yeah." If only he could open the elevator doors by willpower alone.  
  
"Oh," she sounded disappointed, and he closed his eyes for a moment, fighting the urge to turn around and look at her. "I guess this is goodbye then - unless you're coming to see me off tomorrow?" Was that hope in her voice?  
  
"Probably not, I have a lot of paperwork." He swiped his key card through the reader again, cursing the damn elevator under his breath. He shouldn't turn around, couldn't look into her eyes right now, not sure how he'd respond if he did.  
  
"I see." He could hear her fidget. "Goodbye then, Sir."  
  
"Bye, Carter. See you when you drop by for your first report." The doors finally opened, giving him an excuse to not turn around as he entered.  
  
"Yes, Sir." The sense of hope had now left her voice, but it didn't give him pleasure. Instead, the guilt he already felt seemed to increase.  
  
Sighing, Jack finally turned around, his mouth open - but the words never left his mouth as he watched her disappear around the corner. Taking it as a sign, he punched in level 11. There was one positive thing about this whole damn party. He'd been able to stock up on whiskey while he was out buying the drinks.  
  
*****  
  
SG-1 came tumbling through the wormhole, barely keeping their balance as O'Neill shouted for the iris to be closed. He straightened up, and pulled his soaked cap from his head. Raking his hand through his equally wet hair, he turned towards his companions. His eyes fixed on Daniel, who stood panting.  
  
"What the hell did you think you were doing?" The Colonel shouted. "What part of 'stay put' didn't you get?" He was raging, and everyone in the 'gate room remained silent, watching the storm on the ramp. No one was unfamiliar with Jack O'Neill's temper, especially these last couple of weeks. It seemed hard to avoid.  
  
"Jack, I'm sorry. I thought it would be safe!" Daniel lowered his voice, trying to get Jack to follow his example.  
  
"You *thought*?" It didn't help, as his voice rose even more. "Well, you thought wrong! You could have got us all killed!" He made as if to throw his cap to the ground, but he stopped at the last second, and put it back on instead.  
  
"Colonel O'Neill, is there a problem?" General Hammond decided he'd seen enough, and interrupted the arguing pair.  
  
Jack swivelled around and faced the General, who was half expecting a denial.  
  
"Actually, Sir. There is." Hammond did his best to conceal his surprise. His second-in-command normally preferred to solve issues in his team in private. "I have too many damn scientists on my team who seem incapable of following orders."  
  
Hammond looked at Daniel and Jonas who were standing sheepishly on the ramp, both not knowing what to say in response. Sighing, Hammond turned back to Jack. "We'll discuss this later, Colonel. What happened?"  
  
"Dr Jackson decided he wanted to go play Indiana Jones together with Jonas and went to explore some of the caves when I'd specifically told them to stay put." The officer spat. "They walked themselves into an ambush, and Teal'c and I had to go save their butts."  
  
Hammond frowned and eyed the Colonel suspiciously, wondering what part of the story he wasn't telling. Only now did he notice the shoulder of Jack's jacket was ripped, the material slightly darker than the rest of his already drenched uniform. "Colonel, are you injured?"  
  
Jack looked at him, confused for a moment, and then eyed his shoulder as if he'd forgotten the wound was there. "Just a scratch from a staff weapon, Sir."  
  
"Get it looked at, Colonel. We'll discuss the rest after the debriefing - tomorrow 09:00 hours. Clear the ramp, we're expecting Major Carter back." He watched a dark shadow cross Jack's face before he nodded.  
  
"Yes, Sir." Without further argument, he handed his gear to the SF's, and headed towards the infirmary.  
  
Hammond sighed and shook his head sadly as he watched SG-1 leave the 'gateroom, each member lost in their own thoughts and regrets.  
  
*****  
  
Jack sat with his head bowed low as he watched his hands clench and unclench in his lap. Dr. Fraiser was cleaning out his shoulder wound, and although he'd got only been scraped, it still hurt. Luckily the sedatives had started to kick in.  
  
"Can you sit still?" Fraiser asked, annoyed.  
  
He sighed, but did as he was asked; after all he was in the infirmary, and there were needles lying within arm's reach. He just wished she would hurry up so he could get the hell out of here. Only fifteen minutes ago he'd the Stargate activate, and seeing no team was scheduled to return and Fraiser hadn't been called for an emergency, that could mean only one thing.  
  
Jack had been fortunate enough to be off-world for Carter's return last week. Now however, he was less lucky, and he prayed that Hammond wouldn't request his presence for the briefing.  
  
His thoughts were interrupted by soft footsteps entering the infirmary, and Fraiser ceasing her ministrations.  
  
"Sam! Hey! It's good to see you." He heard Janet say, and he couldn't stop himself from looking up.  
  
Before him, standing in the middle of the doorway, stood Sam Carter. His breath caught as he hadn't been prepared to see her just yet. She was wearing her dress uniform, the material as always hugging her body in just the right places. The pallor of her disease was gone, replaced by a soft blush that went perfectly with the easy smile that curved her lips. Her eyes twinkled and, for a moment, he let himself believe she was smiling at him.  
  
"How are you doing?" Janet asked, and the moment shattered into pieces with the reply.  
  
"Great, I'm starting to settle in." Sam replied, her attention now fully on the Doctor. Jack doubted she ever even noticed him. "Just stopping by for my medical."  
  
Jack tore his eyes away from her, and stared back down at his hands. He probably should greet her, but he didn't trust his voice.  
  
"Take a seat. I'll be with you as soon as I'm finished with the Colonel." Janet replied, and motioned to one of the empty beds. Soon he felt her hands on him again.  
  
Fraiser worked on, and together with the silence, feelings of regret came washing over him. He remembered the last time he'd seen her, two weeks ago, and wondered if things would be different if he'd turned around a minute sooner. But then, he hadn't been the one who had walked out on them. He hadn't chosen a snake over SG-1.  
  
His looked up again, and stared at Carter who was patiently waiting on the bed. She looked uncomfortable, he noticed with some satisfaction.  
  
"So how are things in schizoville?" He spat, and saw her tense even more.  
  
Her head snapped up and she glared back at him. "Great, everyone is being really friendly and hospitable." She replied, accusation in her voice.  
  
"How nice for you." Jack growled and turned towards the Doctor. "Are you finished yet?" If he was surprised by Janet's icy look, he didn't let it show.  
  
"Yes, Colonel. You're free to go." She secured the bandage harder than was necessary, but Jack didn't give her the pleasure of flinching.  
  
"Great," he jumped up from the bed, and grabbed his jacket. "Have fun." With big strides he left the infirmary.  
  
*****  
  
Sam sighed as she watched Jack vanish into the corridor. She rubbed her hand over her face tiredly, allowing Ilina to soothe her. She knew the Tok'ra didn't understand human relationships all that well - especially her relationship with Jack. She snorted and shook her head, wondering if they'd even had something that approached a 'relationship'.  
  
"Sam, are you alright?" Janet asked, approaching her.  
  
"Fine," she dropped her hands to her lap, and looked up.  
  
Fraiser put a reassuring hand on her shoulder and squeezed gently. "Just ignore him. He's being a pain in the ass."  
  
Sam gave her a weak smile in return. "I knew that would be a possibility. I'd just hoped that he would at least try to understand."  
  
Janet raised an eyebrow. "Jack O'Neill trying to understand? That would be a first."  
  
"Come on, Janet. He's not *that* bad." Sam countered, now smiling fully.  
  
"You miss him?" It was more a statement than a question.  
  
"I miss all of you, Janet." Carter took Janet's hand in hers and squeezed gently.  
  
Janet nodded sadly. "We miss you too. Cassie has been asking about you."  
  
"Tell her that the next time I have some time to stay, I'll definitely come to see her." She wished she could be more specific, but knew that any plans she would make would eventually have to be cancelled anyway. "I know you find it hard to understand, Janet, but this really is for the best. You should see the technology the Tok'ra have at their disposal. This is why we keep the Stargate open. If I can find ways to make it compatible with our technology, it might just save Earth."  
  
"I know, Sam." Janet sighed. "I just wish there was another way."  
  
"I know, so do I. But this is so much more important." Not a day went by without Sam wondering if she'd made the right decision. The reassurance she found in herself went deeper than Ilina's belief. It was right, but that didn't make it any easier, and Jack sure as hell wasn't helping.  
  
Janet didn't answer, and she couldn't blame her friend.  
  
"Can I talk to Ilina for a moment?" She knew the request was out of medical concern. Janet didn't feel all that comfortable around her Tok'ra symbiote, but she didn't blame her for that either.  
  
"Sure," Sam nodded, and looked down for a moment, giving Ilina the chance to take control. It wasn't as terrifying as she remembered from Jolinar. Ilina was a gentle person, Sam hadn't even had to ask her to take a backseat as long as she remained in the SGC. And during the first couple of weeks of their joining, Ilina had held herself back. Even now, with the slightest feeling of unease, the Tok'ra would give up control immediately, never wanting to harm or distress her new host.  
  
When she looked up, she knew Janet would see her eyes flash, and her voice wouldn't really be hers. She felt and heard everything through Ilina but in a way it was still her, as she never really lost control. Even if she didn't guide her mouth to speak - they shared.  
  
"It is good to see you again, Doctor Fraiser." Ilina inclined her head gently, it wasn't the first time she'd talked to Janet.  
  
Janet smiled. "Same here. How are things?"  
  
Ilina understood the question without doubt. "Things are very well. Samantha is in perfect health. There has been no indication that the joining will have negative consequences...," she stopped abruptly and considered her statement. "Of a physical nature." She added softly, and there was no doubt in Sam's mind what she was referring to.  
  
Janet arched her eyebrow and looked concerned. "Are you two getting along well?"  
  
She nodded, a wave of amusement coming from her. "We are. Samantha has a brilliant mind, and we have found that our working together will help finish some experiments a lot sooner than I had expected. I do, however, not always understand her humour, but she has assured me that only Colonel O'Neill would." Sam panicked at the mention, and Ilina stopped. "She does not wish me to discuss this."  
  
Janet grinned. "I bet she doesn't." Oh, she was so going to pay for that! Ilina chuckled at her.  
  
"She also seems incapable of getting used to the lack of doors in the Tok'ra base. Are all Tauri that attached to their privacy?" Ilina asked curiously.  
  
"Afraid so." Janet cringed as she imagined having to take a bath on base without any doors. "Now, I know you said same is in perfect health, but I would still like to do some standard tests." She became all business.  
  
Ilina smiled gently. "I understand, Doctor Fraiser." Silently Sam felt her retreat, giving her the opportunity to take control again.  
  
*****  
  
How he wished he wasn't sitting here. Jack sighed for the umpteenth time, and wished yet again that his injury had been severe enough to keep him out of Carter's briefing. Seeing that didn't get him out of here, he tried to concentrate on the slight buzz the sedatives were giving him. If only the dose had been higher - something that would have knocked him out.  
  
Stifling a yawn, he looked up for a brief moment to find Sam glaring at him. She must have noticed he wasn't paying attention. He shrugged, she knew him better than that. Besides, he didn't care what she thought anyway.  
  
She was yapping away about integrating a cloaking device into the Prometheus, so Jack found himself staring into nothingness.  
  
He would probably have stayed like that for the rest of the briefing if it wasn't for the sudden change in Sam's eyes. For a second the blue was covered with a white flash, and he jumped up in his seat. He silently berated himself as he would probably have had some sort of warning if he'd been listening to what she'd been saying. Now he found he couldn't listen anymore. The voice he'd grown to identify as Sam's was different. The timbre was deeper and sort of metallic, resembling Jolinar's, but not quite the same.  
  
Oh God, he hadn't wanted to see this. All his instincts told him to get up and run, but then there'd be hell to pay as Hammond was already unhappy with his behaviour. He couldn't do this though. He couldn't sit here and watch Sam move and talk, knowing it wasn't her. There was no way he couldn't fool himself, no way he could try and kid himself that it really was Carter, even if he was somehow capable of tuning out her voice. Everything was different - her movements still as graceful and decidedly feminine but not *hers*. Her eyes were the same tinge of blue, the same eyes that he'd found himself infatuated with, but the soul behind them wasn't the one that had his affections.  
  
He swallowed hard, the knuckles of the hand that was clutching his pen turned white. Something inside him was churning, heaving, and he knew his lunch was fighting to come back out. Acid was burning the back of his throat, and he concentrated on the pain and vile flavour.  
  
And then . . . it went away. Her voice lost its edge, became softer again, and when he looked up, he met the familiar soul in her eyes. His breath escaped slowly, and his hand relaxed as her steady gaze assured him it was alright. That she was still there, even if he didn't always see her. For just a moment he let her gaze comfort him, but not long as soon he remembered how they had gotten into this situation in the first place.  
  
He tore his eyes away from her, and turned to Hammond. He realised the General had been studying both of them, and that the briefing was apparently over.  
  
"Sir, permission to be..."  
  
"Denied, Colonel. I need to speak to you in my office." Hammond turned towards Carter. "Thank you, Major, Ilina. Pick up anything that you might need this week. Just let me know when you're ready to head back." He dismissed her - them, and then turned to Jack.  
  
"Colonel - my office."  
  
*****  
  
"I had specifically told Daniel that he and Jonas should stay in the village, while Teal'c and I explored the surroundings. Apparently the villagers had assured him that the caves were safe, and you know how eager he can get about these things. They had told him there were paintings from their ancestors inside, and he'd already asked to go check them out. Of course, he didn't feel like he should listen to my orders, and after Teal'c and I left, he convinced one of the villagers to take him and Jonas to the caves. They ran into a Jaffa patrol. By the time Teal'c and I got back to the village, they had been missing for three hours. We went down to the caves, busted them out, I got blasted, and we headed back." Jack finished his explanation of what had happened on the planet.  
  
Hammond nodded as it corresponded with the reports. Although, Doctor Jackson said it was the villagers who insisted they'd go visit the caves, and that he'd seen little harm in it. The fact remained that Daniel's actions had endangered the team. "And you believe that if there had been another USAF officer on your team, this wouldn't have happened?"  
  
Jack sat up straighter and leaned towards him. "I *know* this wouldn't have happened if Carter had been there. She would have controlled Daniel, and at the very least contacted me before going off to play." There was something dark in the Colonel's eyes, something that seemed ever present lately, but the man realised his misstep, and the emotion was soon under control again.  
  
"I see," he sat back in his chair, and scrutinised his second-in-command. Things within SG-1 had been tense ever since Major Carter had been diagnosed with cancer. Her choice to join the Tok'ra had done nothing to relieve that tension, and now he found himself wondering how far things could go before it fell apart - if it hadn't already. "And assigning another officer will help the team function better?"  
  
His question seemed to have an impact as O'Neill, for the first time during their conversation, seemed to lose his certainty. No matter who he assigned to SG-1, they wouldn't be a replacement for Carter. The reality seemed to sink in. "It's worth a shot." Jack sighed. It wasn't the answer Hammond had been hoping for.  
  
"Colonel, if I assign someone to SG-1 it will be a permanent decision. I cannot keep reassigning people at your every whim." He pointed out.  
  
"This is not a whim," Jack sounded offended. "You know me and scientists, Sir."  
  
Yes, he did and he'd thought that Major Carter and Doctor Jackson had proven him wrong - but apparently not. "Alright. I'll be assigning Captain Ripley to your team. He's a fine officer, even if he hasn't been on the project that long. I expect you to make him feel welcome." He looked the Colonel in his eyes, making it clear that he didn't want Jack to turn up here in a weeks time reconsidering the decision.  
  
"I will, Sir." Jack didn't give any sign of regretting his request, and he pushed himself to his feet.  
  
Sighing, Hammond nodded. "Dismissed, Colonel."  
  
He received a sloppy salute, and watched the man vanish. While they had needed to talk, their discussion hadn't made him feel any better about the situation.  
  
Chapter 2  
  
The sound of the bottle clanging against the appropriate whisky glass always brought the promise of fleeting oblivion with it. Fleeting, because Jack O'Neill rarely stayed drunk for long, rarely got drunk enough. But this honey coloured liquor was supposed to do the trick. He filled the glass to three quarters - way too much, but still not enough - and put the bottle down. A drop slid down the spherical neck and over the label, until it pooled on the table top.  
  
SINGLE MALT  
SCOTCH WHISKY  
Aged 23 years  
DISTILLED 1972  
TEANINCH  
64.95% Alc/Vol (129.9 proof) 750 ml  
  
One of his rare malts, a bottle he'd kept for a special occasion - and you couldn't deny that he'd a damn special reason to try and drink himself to the fields of unconsciousness. Even though he knew that he'd probably never get there, this was his best shot at it.  
  
He brought the glass level to his face, and looked at the colour - not that he was paying attention to it. He'd already done all the proper things with the first glass, but there was something strangely therapeutic in repeating the motions. Swirl the glass, watch the liquid cling to it for a moment. Cover the glass, tilt it to your nose, take in the scent: supposedly light and peat-like; to him it only meant sweet oblivion.  
  
And now, for the gold. He was supposed to take a small sip, but it quickly became a mouth full. His mind wasn't set on tasting, enjoying what was described as smoky and oak, with a long, soft aftertaste. All he wanted from it was the burning it left in the back of his throat, the light- headedness it brought with it as he tried to kid himself that he could forget if he just drank one glass more, just one.  
  
Every detail was supposed to keep his mind from wandering, but it proved to no avail. Soon he was running over the last few weeks. It hadn't been easy to get used to the new SG-1, even if Sam hadn't been able to go off-world for a couple of months previously. Captain Ripley and Jonas simply didn't seem capable of filling the void she'd left. Ripley was a good officer, a bit young and inexperienced, but he did everything to proof himself. Not that Jack had cut him any slack, much to Daniel's annoyance.  
  
On their last mission the young Captain had managed to sprain his ankle. It had been a simple reconnaissance mission - no Goa'uld in the neighbourhood, just a lot of trees and a site that had kept Daniel and Jonas bouncing from excitement for weeks afterwards. Ripley had been replacing some rock or another at Daniel's request, and had not noticed a hole behind him. It was an innocent mistake that he probably would have laughed off in any other circumstances. Instead, he'd chewed out the Captain, ignoring Daniel's objections. Actually not ignoring, the louder the Doctor had protested, the more he'd shouted at the kid.  
  
From there on, it had gone downhill. Daniel was hardly speaking to him now, of which he was actually glad. Jonas had learned to keep his mouth shut after he'd bitten his head off for mentioning they wouldn't have been able to stop the Goa'uld attack on PX-whatever if Carter had been there. Captain Ripley had decided that the less said, the better. And Teal'c hadn't said anything, but he could feel his disapproval increase every time they stepped through the Stargate.  
  
Leaning forward to refill his glass, he discovered he'd already emptied the bottle. Sighing, he considered opening another one, but none were as strong as the Teaninch. Nothing would get him into the sweet state of oblivion anyway - it had been years since that last happened. Slowly he pushed himself off the couch, his legs feeling wobbly, but not giving way. He wasn't sure if that was a blessing or not. Concentrating hard on where he was going, he made his way towards the bedroom. At least he'd managed to keep his thoughts away from her.  
  
Rubbing a tired hand over his face - he needed to shave, but it was not like anyone was gonna notice as he was off for the weekend - he kicked off his shoes. Vaguely, the thought entered his mind to take his clothes off, but his limbs felt more heavy than expected. With a low groan, he fell face down unto the bed.  
  
Luckily there was one thing that his state of drunkenness would bring him: a dreamless sleep. Tonight, at least, he wouldn't wake to the image of Samantha Carter's eyes glowing white.  
  
*****  
  
A soft pounding interrupted the total darkness. Every second it seemed to increase, until it became an aching hammering inside his skull. There always was a price to pay in return for a few hours peace of mind.  
  
Jack buried his face further into the pillow against the harsh morning light that filled the room as he'd forgotten to close the curtain. Slowly he became aware of the reason he'd woken up. The telephone on his night table was ringing, louder than ever. He groaned as the sound drove into his brain, and started groping in the area where he suspected the telephone should be. Knocking over a couple of items, he finally found the offending phone, and picked up.  
  
"What?!" Whoever was calling was so dead.  
  
"Colonel O'Neill?" An uncertain voice questioned.  
  
"Yeah?" No way was he going to be polite at... Frowning he lifted his head and stared at the alarm clock: 6:30am. For crying out loud!  
  
"Sir, General Hammond requests your presence at the base." The kid sounded scared - good.  
  
"I'm on downtime, give a guy a break." On downtime with the mother of all hangovers.  
  
"I'm sorry, Sir. The General insisted that you should come down. If you do not come yourself, he has given orders to send SF's to come and retrieve you." The threat sounded empty as the guy clearly was nervous.  
  
Sighing, Jack didn't bother to answer and just hung up. When not even a minute later it rang again, he simply pulled out the plug, knowing he'd have to go anyway.  
  
As quickly as he could given circumstances, Jack got out of bed. His legs still felt unsteady, but he chose to ignore them, and praised a non snake god that he didn't throw up when he got drunk. A moment later, he found himself staring at a bottle of Advil, hoping the drug would stop his head from bursting. Instead he flung the bottle into the sink, and slammed the medicine cabinet shut.  
  
He would live.  
  
*****  
  
"You called, Milord?" His joke sounded hollow as Jack entered the briefing room with a resolute step.  
  
General Hammond sat at the head of the large table, with Major Carter seated on his left side. They both looked up in unison at the Colonel, who was grateful he'd decided to keep his sunglasses on, despite the weird looks he'd received from the few people he'd met in the corridors.  
  
"Take a seat, Colonel." Hammond studied him curiously. "Any particular reason you're wearing those?" He motioned to the glasses.  
  
"No, Sir. Just protecting my eyes from the shiny company we've got." Jack remarked, staring pointedly at Carter before he sank into the chair.  
  
Even though the General looked annoyed, he chose to ignore Jack's remark. "Colonel, I have called you here because Major Carter and Ilina have made a request to go on a mission that appears to be particularly dangerous. I would like your opinion on it."  
  
Jack raised and eyebrow and looked at Carter. "A mission?"  
  
"Yes, Sir." She moved a bit in her seat, the only indication that she was nervous about discussing this with him present.  
  
"I hope you do not mean one of those wacky how-to-get-yourself-killed missions the Tok'ra seem to love going on." He declared, forgetting he was supposed to not give a damn.  
  
"Actually, Sir. This one is pretty safe...," she paused. "Considering what missions we used to go on with SG-1."  
  
Well, he'd to give her that one, but still... "And who told you that? Ilina?"  
  
Carter glared at him. "Actually, yes she did."  
  
"So, what is it?"  
  
Sam licked her lips and briefly he saw some resignation in her features before Ilina took over. "Every year there is a gathering. Each system lord sends their best scientists with their latest inventions and stolen technology. It is an attempt to show off their newest gained power, as much as to acquire new knowledge."  
  
"Hang on, wait a minute," Jack stopped her explanation. "We're talking about a Goa'uld science fair?"  
  
Ilina looked confusedly at him until suddenly she smiled amused, reminding Jack all too much of Sam. "In a way," she nodded her agreement.  
  
Jack blinked as he tried to get the image of the Goa'uld to correspond with a science fair. "And you want to go there? Why?"  
  
"I have attended this gathering for the last few years without incident. It is my, and Samantha's, wish to continue this tradition. It is very important that we know about the latest developments, in order to calculate the force of our enemy."  
  
"Carter agrees?" Jack interrupted yet again.  
  
"I would not propose this if she did not," Ilina sounded insulted.  
  
"Of course you wouldn't," he didn't even attempt to hide the sarcasm.  
  
"Sir!" Sam was in control again, and she didn't look happy about his suggestion at all. "Ilina has experience in dealing with this. If she didn't think it worth the risk, she wouldn't propose it."  
  
"So there is a risk," he immediately concluded.  
  
He could see her getting annoyed. "Of course there is a risk, isn't there always? Truth is, it's worth it. It is important that we're able to predict the growth of the Goa'uld's forces, not only in the number of motherships and Jaffa, but also in what technology they will be using against us."  
  
"Okay, say we agree to this lunacy. How would you go about it?" Clearly she has discussed this all already with Hammond, as the General just sat back and let her present the information.  
  
"We would take a Tel'tac to a planet three days from where the gathering is located as there is no Stargate. Ilina is already known there as a scientist working for a minor Goa'uld. This year we'll be using an adapted naquadah reactor for trade." Sam explained.  
  
"Okay, hang on, hold it right there." Jack waved his arms about theatrically. "You're offering them a naquadah reactor?" That so didn't sound like a good idea.  
  
Sam smirked, a smile that he immediately recognised as not hers. "Let's just say that none of the technology I have offered in the past has worked effectively when put to practice. Things have a way of... blowing up, as you would put it." Ilina looked rather proud of herself, and he had to give her that.  
  
Jack raised an eyebrow. "OK, I can see that. But don't people get suspicious after a while?"  
  
"The Goa'uld do not care about who is actually responsible for the failure of their technology. The engineer will be executed and replaced, so at the next gathering there will be no one to accuse me." Ilina shrugged.  
  
"And that theory hasn't blown up in your face yet?" He couldn't share her confidence in this. That was ignoring the fact that she didn't seem to give a damn about the engineer that got killed.  
  
"No," Ilina answered naturally.  
  
Jack took a steadying breath. Somewhere he'd known that this might happen, but not this soon. "No way," he said determinedly.  
  
"Colonel O'Neill, I understand Samantha's need to follow your orders, but I have my own." Ilina protested softly, her tone as determined as Sam's.  
  
"I am not letting you... Carter... the both of you," damn this was confusing, "travel alone to a planet crawling with Goa'uld!" His hand slammed on the tabletop, reinforcing his point.  
  
"I wouldn't be alone, Sir." Carter took control again. It was ticking him off that she was playing catch like this. Couldn't she just stick to one personality?  
  
"Let me guess, one of your Tok'ra friends will be going with you." He snapped.  
  
"Yes, Sir. Razi has accompanied Ilina on the previous trips." She nodded.  
  
"Well, I don't give a damn. The Tok'ra have already shown they don't exactly care whether or not everyone gets home," he accused, his eyes boring right into her, the reproach more directed at Ilina than at Carter. Was there a difference anymore?  
  
Carter clenched her teeth, and he saw an internal struggle. Perhaps that was the one point where she and Ilina didn't see eye to eye? He expected Ilina to resurface again, but she didn't. "Sir, you know I will not disobey a direct order, but Ilina feels very strongly about this. There is no other Tok'ra who can replace her. We are the only ones who can operate the naquadah reactor. I'm sure you understand the importance of our presence at the gathering."  
  
Jack sighed dramatically but the problem was that he really did.  
  
Hammond apparently did too, as he finally made his presence known. "Colonel, what do you suggest?"  
  
He closed his eyes for a moment, relieved once again that he was still wearing his sunglasses. "I suggest SG-1 accompanies Major Carter and Razzia."  
  
"Razi, Sir." Sam corrected softly, sounding defeated. "Though I'm afraid that isn't possible. The attendees are forbidden to bring any Jaffa with them. Besides, Teal'c is too well known, and he might endanger the mission if he gets recognised."  
  
"So do you," Jack conveniently pointed out.  
  
"Exactly, Sir. So could any member of SG-1. It's not worth the risk." She jumped on the occasion right away.  
  
"So tell me. What the hell makes you think that you are the one that is expendable?" His voice was raised now, the anger simmering within him.  
  
"Because I don't have a choice!" She threw back, angry and exasperated.  
  
"Carter, there is not a chance that I am going to give you permission to risk your neck without any backup. Either you allow SG-1 to accompany you, or you stay right here on base 'til you get this lunatic plan out of your system!" Both were glaring at each other, the tension palpable.  
  
Hammond sighed. "Major, I'm afraid I'm with Colonel O'Neill on this."  
  
Jack let out a triumphant "Ha!" but was silenced as the General give him an annoyed look.  
  
"SG-1 will be accompanying you, minus Teal'c of course." Hammond continued.  
  
Sam looked anything but happy with the decision. "Sir, it will delay our departure as we'll need to gather extra supplies."  
  
"Then you'll just have to head back and arrange everything. The decision is final, Major." Hammond didn't budge and Jack found himself grinning.  
  
She just nodded in defeat. "If they have to go, they will need to act as my slaves. I don't see another way to explain their presence, as there won't be a way to hide them effectively for a whole week." The smug smile quickly faded from Jack's face.  
  
The General considered her proposal, and finally came to a conclusion. "Very well. You can work out the details with SG-1 during your trip. I also suggest that as Ilina has the most experience, you will be in command during the gathering."  
  
"General, you can't do this!" Jack protested, taking the decision personally.  
  
"According to the stars on my uniform, *Colonel*, I can. We will discuss this in a minute." Hammond effectively silenced Jack. "Is everything clear?" He looked at both his officers.  
  
"Yes, Sir." Carter said determinedly, although the look on her face suggested she wasn't at all pleased with the decision.  
  
Hammond fixed Jack as he remained silent. Knowing there was no way to make the General change his decision, Jack merely nodded.  
  
"Okay then. Major, I suggest you head back, and make the necessary precautions. SG-1 will join you in two hours."  
  
Sam nodded once again and stood up. "Yes, Sir. I'll give Siler the co- ordinates to the planet where the Tel'tac is waiting." She saluted them both, and left quickly.  
  
"Yeah, make sure you don't forget to do that." Jack muttered under his breath. The silence that filled the room reminded him of the soft throbbing in his head. He made a move to stand up, but a quick bark from the General made him slump back in the chair.  
  
"Colonel, can you tell me what the hell is going on?" Hammond demanded.  
  
Jack remained stubbornly quiet, not able to lie to his CO, but not able to tell him what was going on either.  
  
"Take off those sunglasses, Colonel." The look in his eyes told Jack he shouldn't try to defy the order.  
  
Grumbling, he took off his sunglasses carefully. He winced a bit against the harsh artificial light, and put the glasses in his breast pocket.  
  
Hammond sighed, and his tone of voice changed as he scrutinised his second- in-command. "I guess I don't have to ask what put you in this condition."  
  
"I was on downtime, Sir." Jack was defensive as he knew the consequences of getting drunk the day before a mission.  
  
Hammond put his hands up, making it clear it wasn't an attack. "I know, son. But you can't let things continue this way."  
  
Jack stiffened. "I'm not sure I know what you mean, Sir." He stared at a point right over the General's shoulder.  
  
"I'm pretty sure you do, Jack." It was a silent appeal to have this conversation off the record.  
  
"Perhaps you should tell me what it is then, Sir." He didn't budge.  
  
"Colonel, I have been keeping an eye on you and the rest of SG-1 for a while now. Things haven't exactly being going well. I understand that this hasn't been easy on any of you, but I need you to work this out because I frankly am starting to worry whether you are still fit for duty."  
  
Jack's eyes finally detached themselves from the wall to stare at the General, a silent rage clearly visible. "So you put Major Carter in command because you don't trust me?" His voice was cold, and edging very close to insubordination.  
  
"Honestly?" Hammond straightened his back. "That's part of the reason, yes. I have seen the tension in your team, and it's worrying me."  
  
"Thanks for the vote of confidence." Jack stood up.  
  
"Colonel, sit back down." Hammond snapped, clearly not finished.  
  
"If it is all the same to you, Sir, I'd rather stand." His eyes went back to the wall.  
  
Hammond sighed again, clearly not knowing how to handle the man before him. "Son, I know it has been a rough time. The loss of Major Carter has been felt in every department of the SGC, and I'm sure SG-1 has suffered most from it. But you are still leading my flagship team, and I need to be able to trust that you will do your job, no matter what. If you think that you won't be able to handle this mission like a professional then I want to know it now."  
  
He looked up expectantly as Jack remained silent. Could he be professional about this? He had to. The idea of another team being sent with Carter made him uneasy. "You can trust me to do my job, Sir." Some of the tension faded from his body as he accepted the mission.  
  
"Very well, Colonel. I suggest you gather your team and get them prepared." Hammond nodded, but still seemed circumspect.  
  
"Yes, Sir." Jack was about to go when he reconsidered. "Sir?"  
  
"Colonel?" Hammond looked up with a strange kind of hope, that slipped away as soon as Jack voiced his request.  
  
"I recommend that Captain Ripley remain on earth. I don't think his first confrontation with the Goa'uld themselves should be an uncover job. He has very little experience with them." He was already one hundred percent professional.  
  
"Very well, but Doctor Jackson and Jonas Quinn will be accompanying you." The General made it clear.  
  
"Yes, Sir." With a short salute, something he normally forgot to do, Jack left the briefing room.  
  
*****  
  
Sam looked over the list of supplies again, making sure she hadn't missed anything. "I think that should do it." She handed it back to Razi, who nodded.  
  
"I shall see to it." With a short nod, the Tok'ra left the Tel'tac.  
  
Sighing, Sam walked back to the corner of the vessel that would be hers for the next few days. Why on earth did Hammond have to call the Colonel? She knew he wouldn't let her go. That was why she hadn't suggested the mission sooner. Ilina didn't like it either, as the risk of them getting caught seemed to have increased. It was one thing to endanger your own life, but dragging SG-1 into it as well was something neither of them had been willing to do.  
  
"Ilina? Major Carter?" A feminine voice called, and Sam made her way back to the cockpit.  
  
"Garshaw," she smiled and nodded a greeting.  
  
"I have heard that there were some difficulties?" The Tok'ra leader looked concerned.  
  
"I'm afraid SG-1 will be joining us," Sam sighed.  
  
Garshaw frowned. "Is that wise? They could endanger the mission."  
  
Sam felt Ilina's urgency to respond and gave the Tok'ra control. "It is unfortunate that we have to make such a drastic change in our plans with so short a notice, but I do not believe that they will stand in the way of the completion of our mission. SG-1 is a very capable team, and Colonel O'Neill is a wise soldier. If something goes wrong, it will not be because of them." Sam was a bit surprised with the confidence she felt coming from Ilina, but knew the Tok'ra was just reading her own feelings.  
  
Garshaw didn't seem to be entirely convinced.  
  
"We have little choice," Ilina continued, trying to convince her friend. "Samantha is unwilling to go against General Hammond's orders, and so am I. Either SG-1 accompanies us, or we will need to cancel the mission." It was virtually an ultimatum - one Sam would eagerly back up.  
  
"Very well. I hope you are right in having so much faith in the Tauri." Garshaw finally gave in, even if she did so reluctantly.  
  
"I am confident." Ilina said, with pride in her voice.  
  
Chapter 3  
  
Jack glared angrily at the lockers in front of him as he sat on the bench in the gear up room. Daniel and Jonas would probably be already waiting for him in the 'gate room, even if there were still fifteen minutes before he was officially too late.  
  
Maybe he shouldn't have agreed? It was hard enough having to sit through a briefing with Sam jumping from one personality to the other, let alone being stuck on a Tel'tac with her for three days.  
  
He massaged the back of his neck tiredly. The headache was still present, but his pride forbade him dropping by the Doc to get something. Who knows, she might want to stick a needle in him while he was there.  
  
The door opened softly, and Jack looked up to see Teal'c standing there.  
  
"O'Neill," the Jaffa nodded a greeting, and walked up to him.  
  
"Hey, T." He managed a small smile. "Sorry you can't come with us for this ride."  
  
Teal'c just bowed his head in understanding. "I believe my presence would have endangered the mission."  
  
"So she said," Jack muttered, and looked back up at his friend, who was giving him a funny look.  
  
"I am most concerned, O'Neill." He announced solemnly.  
  
"About what?" Jack had the feeling he didn't want to know.  
  
"About Major Carter and yourself." Teal'c stated matter of factly.  
  
Growling, Jack stood up and walked past Teal'c to open his locker. "I don't see what you should be concerned about." He muttered, and pulled out his vest.  
  
"You are being a... Jack Ass, O'Neill." Teal'c declared.  
  
If the circumstances had been slightly different, Jack knew he'd have been laughing for weeks, but considering why Teal'c was telling him this, he didn't laugh at all. Instead, he slammed the locker door shut, and put on his vest.  
  
"Anything else you feel like sharing?" He glowered at him as he turned around again. Up 'til now, Teal'c had been the only one who hadn't said anything, even if he knew the Jaffa was disappointed with him.  
  
"I do not believe your behaviour towards Major Carter is wise, O'Neill." He had to know he was pissing him off, didn't he?  
  
"So?" He snapped.  
  
"I advise that you attempt to reconcile - before you both do something you will regret." Teal'c continued undisturbed.  
  
"Well guess what, Teal'c? I didn't do anything I regret. She's the one who walked out on us." He growled his reply.  
  
"Major Carter did not have a choice. If she did not accept the symbiote, she would have died." Great, be logical, Jack scowled.  
  
"She had a choice, Teal'c. She could have come back to us, and she didn't." His voice was neutral, trying to hide the emotions beneath it.  
  
"I believe that Major Carter has made the decision she thought was the right one. It might not be easy to understand, but she would not have done it if she did not feel it was worth it."  
  
"That's the problem, isn't it?" Jack muttered, more to himself than anything.  
  
Teal'c continued, ignoring Jack's protests. "Does she not deserve our support in this, as she has been a loyal friend for all these years?"  
  
"Honestly, Teal'c?" Jack shook his head. "I don't know."  
  
He sighed, and picked up his cap. "I'll see you in two weeks." With those words he left the Jaffa standing in the gear room.  
  
*****  
  
Jack stared up at the golden ceiling that he knew was there, but could hardly make out. The lights had been dimmed, insinuating that it was night even if they were flying somewhere between the stars. The thought should be thrilling, making the blood race through his veins. The truth was; Jack O'Neill was bored.  
  
The Tel'tac had taken off 32 hours ago, and was travelling toward some obscure planet that the Ancients hadn't found interesting enough to place a Stargate. If they'd been on Earth, he'd have been able to go to the bridge - or whatever they called it - and actually fly them around. Goa'uld technology wasn't his expertise though, so he'd been forced to watch someone else fly, and it got boring - more than boring. It was... well it was so boring, he doubted there was a description for it. Stupidly, he'd tried to pass the time, and avoid Carter, by sleeping. So now, when everyone who could have kept him busy - namely Daniel, who was still mad at him, and Jonas - was sleeping.  
  
Groaning, he pushed himself up from the temporary cot, and tried to work the kinks out of his muscles - these people could navigate between the stars, but a decent bed was beyond them. Softly, so as not to wake a snoring archaeologist, he sneaked out of what normally was the cargo hold, and entered what was supposedly the bridge.  
  
The person behind the steering ball - he really needed to find out what to call those things - hadn't noticed his approach, so he took the moment to just stand there and watch her. She was too familiar, too much like herself, and as much as he wanted to lash out at her, he found he couldn't. How many times had he observed her on missions without her knowing? Although he doubted that she really didn't know.  
  
"Colonel?" He smiled when she didn't turn away from the window.  
  
He swallowed his pride, and stepped closer to where she was sitting. "Everything alright up here?"  
  
She nodded, and made some adjustments on the screen before her. "Yeah, I just got bored of watching the autopilot."  
  
"Yeah, know the feeling." His reply was instant, and earned him a smile.  
  
"Couldn't sleep?" She tapped a few keys, and turned away from the stars in front of her.  
  
"Something like that." His fingers started exploring the weird bowl thingy that had the tendency to set off the autodestruct.  
  
"You might not want to play with that," Sam told him off, but her tone was more amused than anything else.  
  
And it hit him, he missed this.  
  
As if burned by fire, he pulled his hands back, and decided he'd be safer sitting down on the floor with his back against the golden walls.  
  
He sighed, and rubbed a tired hand over his face. "How much longer?"  
  
"Another thirty hours."  
  
He groaned, and leaned his head back. "Should have brought my gameboy."  
  
Sam chuckled. "It's weird how the Goa'uld managed to take the most advanced technology from thousands of races, but failed to get their hands on anything that was intended purely for entertainment."  
  
Jack considered her words, letting them sink in slowly. "Yeah, it is, isn't it? You'd think they'd get bored with the whole 'I'm so evil' routine, and would want to take a break."  
  
She grinned at him, amused at what was fast becoming their most absurd discussion. "Maybe it's just something typically human?"  
  
His hands fell into his lap, and he looked up at her thoughtfully. "Now *that* would be sad."  
  
Sam laughed, half giggled at his statement, and shook her head. He found he couldn't do anything but laugh with her. "Don't you miss things like that?" The words left his mouth before he thought about it.  
  
She cocked her head and looked at him, still amused. "What? Gameboys?"  
  
He shrugged. "Amongst others. What do you miss from earth?"  
  
The smile slipped from her face, the conversation suddenly turning serious. "Doors." She answered without thinking.  
  
"Doors?" He repeated, lifting an eyebrow.  
  
"Yeah, I don't know how the Tok'ra managed to survive without them. Ilina finds my 'shyness' amusing, but I swear it's driving me mad. You can't take a bath without anyone passing in the corridor."  
  
Jack wrinkled his nose. "Well I guess it does benefit someone." He smirked at her.  
  
"Oh?" Sam raised her eyebrow, and urged him to go on.  
  
He simply swallowed as he realised what he'd been about to say, and quickly looked away from her. "Garshaw doesn't have to pay for them," he answered lamely, knowing she wouldn't let him get away without responding.  
  
"I guess," Sam was looking down at her hands, and frowning.  
  
Jack sighed as the relaxed air between them once more became charged. Just for a minute, he'd been able to forget about the alien she was carrying within her - but not long enough.  
  
"Are you happier there?" The unease flowing through his veins translated itself into the angry spoken words as he glared up at her.  
  
Her body tensed, and it took a moment before she met his eyes. "What do you mean happier?"  
  
"You know perfectly well what I mean," he growled his reply.  
  
"This has nothing to do with being happy or not." She spat back, sitting up straighter in her chair.  
  
He snorted. "Could have fooled me."  
  
"Oh, stop acting like the victim here! You act as if I did this to personally taunt you." She wasn't about to let him get the upper hand. "Well guess what, Jack, it's not."  
  
"So it's Jack now, huh?" He interrupted whatever she was going to say very effectively.  
  
Sam's mouth slammed shut, and she stared at him, slightly flustered. "It's how Ilina refers to you." She stammered, having lost the hold she had on her anger.  
  
"Funny you'd say that." He pushed himself up again, and approached her. Leaning in closer, he spoke softly but clearly, the irony of the whole situation all too obvious to him. "It takes a snake for you to finally call me by my name."  
  
She looked at him with a stunned expression as he pulled back. A sardonic smile curved his lips, and he shook his head.  
  
Without waiting for her reply, he turned on his heels, and got back to the cargo hold that was now devoid of snoring. A quick glance at Daniel's cot found two blue, reproachful eyes staring back at him.  
  
"You're a jerk, Jack O'Neill." Daniel spat, and pushed himself free from the covers.  
  
Jack watched the man leave their makeshift sleeping quarters as he lay down on his own cot. For once in a very long time, he agreed with Daniel.  
  
*****  
  
Ilina had taken control again the moment Jack had left, his words leaving an impression Sam simply didn't know how to handle. There was something strangely comforting as Ilina kept her breathing relaxed, her body seemingly detached from the turmoil within her. When he'd first left the cargo hold, she'd been prepared for another argument, but her defences had fallen down when he'd seemed to try and talk to her. She should've known better, she scolded herself.  
  
Vaguely, Sam heard the door behind her close, and at Ilina's gentle urging started to pay attention to her surroundings again. She heard Daniel shuffling nervously only a few feet behind her, no doubt scraping together the courage to talk to her. She knew Ilina was prepared to deal with him, but Daniel was her friend, and he deserved better than to be brushed off like that.  
  
With a reassuring thought that she would be alright, she took control again.  
  
"You alright?" Daniel finally managed to ask, one of the many questions he was probably thinking.  
  
Sam frowned, letting the question hang in the air for a bit longer. "I will be." She didn't know what else to say.  
  
Daniel sighed, and took the only free chair. "Jack is making a complete ass of himself, but I think he misses you." He tried to catch her gaze, but she looked down at her clasped hands instead. "We all do for that matter," he added softly.  
  
She sighed, and finally looked up at him. "I know. I do too." She gave him a small smile that soon turned rueful. "He's not exactly making it easy though."  
  
"Since when does Jack O'Neill make anything easy?" He quipped lightly, trying to get her to cheer up.  
  
Sam chuckled softly, but was soon staring out of the screen again, her thoughts lost between the thousands of stars.  
  
"Just... give him some time. He'll come around eventually."  
  
"I..." She shook her head, she wanted to believe him so much. "I'm not so sure he will, Daniel."  
  
"Come on, Sam. You know Jack. He's probably already regretting what he said. Tomorrow he'll be doing his best to get on your good side again."  
  
Sam bit her lip. She was almost certain that Daniel couldn't possibly have heard the last words Jack had spoken to her. She knew the meaning behind them, as well as the consequences of it, and doubted he'd change his mind any time so. "I hope so," she murmured.  
  
"I'm sure." Daniel said more firmly, wanting her to believe it.  
  
She smiled and turned towards him, appreciating his attempt to try and comfort her. "Thanks, Daniel." She whispered as she pulled him in a hug.  
  
"Anytime, Sam." Daniel whispered back, and hugged her tighter. "Anytime."  
  
*****  
  
Things weren't better the next day. Jack managed to hide in the cargo hold until Razi took over from Sam, who left to catch up with some sleep. When she finally turned up again, Jack had managed to talk Daniel into playing cards.  
  
His eyes strayed from the cards over to where Sam was sitting. She was talking to Jonas, a gentle smile curving her lips, and it took a minute for Jack to realise it was actually Ilina who was talking.  
  
"You are right, Jonas. The Tauri have a very peculiar sense of humour, although I must admit that my joining with Samantha has allowed me to understand and enjoy it more."  
  
Jack growled, and wondered if he could order Jonas to not to talk to Ilina - they were being far too chummy to his liking.  
  
"Jack, you listening?" Daniel cut off his thoughts.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I'll have four new cards." Daniel slammed down four of the cards he was holding.  
  
"Oh, yeah. Right." Jack quickly dealt him his new hand, and replaced one of his own cards.  
  
Sweet. He was grinning smugly, inwardly of course, as Jack O'Neill had the best poker face in the business. A full house, and he was pretty sure Daniel didn't have anything better with the four new cards he'd just picked up. Which meant that Daniel would be cleaning out Jack's fridge, neither of them had had a chance to clean it out before going on the mission, after they got back.  
  
"Sir?" He could have sworn he'd seen her talking to Jonas less than a minute ago.  
  
He made a non committal grunt, not letting his eyes stray from his cards.  
  
"We'll be arriving at the first checkpoint in less than an hour." Sam informed him.  
  
"Swell." He still didn't look up.  
  
"Don't you think you should get ready?" Apparently she wasn't going to give up any time soon.  
  
"Yeah, in a minute." He mumbled back, and looked expectantly at Daniel. He really hated cleaning out his fridge - the smell was more than just disgusting and vile put together.  
  
"Colonel," she was really starting to work on his nerves. "We still have a lot to discuss before you will be ready for this mission."  
  
"I said in a minute, Carter." Jack growled, and finally glared up at her.  
  
"Sir, do I need to remind you who is in charge here?" The words left her mouth, and for a second even she looked surprised she actually said that.  
  
He stared at her, blatantly, full out stared at the Major who used to be his second-in-command. "Are you pulling rank on me? Because mine still says Colonel, you know."  
  
"And General Hammond put me in charge, *Sir*." She didn't budge, her hands going to her sides in a reprimanding manner that made him feel too much like a teenager being scolded for coming home too late.  
  
"Fine," he growled, and slammed the cards down in the space between himself and Daniel, who was watching them both in confusion. "Have it your way."  
  
Jack pushed himself up, and took a pose very near to standing to attention in front of her. With some satisfaction he noted the unease in her whole posture - she didn't know how to deal with him.  
  
Razi suddenly entered the bridge again carrying a pile of clothes, and saved Sam from any further confrontation.  
  
She quickly turned towards the Tok'ra. "Thanks, Razi." She smiled and took the upper two garments, holding them out for Jack.  
  
"These are yours, Sir." Her eyes were lowered as he took them from her, and took a step back again.  
  
He eyed the clothes suspiciously, but didn't comment as he retreated back to the cargo hold, together with Jonas and Daniel, to get changed. He spread out the clothes on his supposed bed, and frowned.  
  
"You've got to be kidding," Jack muttered to no one in particular. He looked over to find Daniel fingering the fabric suspiciously.  
  
"She's kidding, right?" He asked hopeful.  
  
Daniel shook his head. "I doubt it." He mumbled as he held the top in front of him.  
  
"It could be worse," Jonas butted in. He'd already stripped off his shirt, and was unbuckling his pants.  
  
"Like how?" He couldn't help being sceptical about it.  
  
"She could have given us outfits without a top," Jonas shrugged as he stepped out of his pants.  
  
There was that, of course. Still frowning, Jack started to get changed as well, noticing Daniel was following his example.  
  
A little while later, the three of them stood in their new slave clothes. The fabric felt rough against Jack's skin, but at least it wasn't uncomfortable. The sandy coloured trousers fit loosely, and the matching sleeveless top was supposed to bring out the muscles. He glowered at Jonas and Daniel who looked pretty good in the outfit. He might be a guy, but these things didn't go unnoticed. He really was getting too old for this.  
  
"You know, having buttons wouldn't have been unwelcome." He groused as they made their way back to the bridge. "Of course, that would mean you could actually close it."  
  
Sam turned around as they entered, and her eyes swept over the three of them.  
  
"Did I ever mention that I hate sandals?" He asked her, receiving an amused grin back in return.  
  
"No, but I get the feeling you're going to remind me." She replied cheekily, and turned back to Razi.  
  
"Won't we get cold in this?" He tried again to close the shirt, but the front remained stubbornly open.  
  
"It's a desert planet, Sir." Sam replied, and patted Razi's shoulder before turning back to him.  
  
"Those are supposed to get really cold during the night," he whined.  
  
"You will be in the Tel'tac then. No one is supposed to be outside during night-time." She replied matter-of-factly.  
  
"Okay, so when were you actually planning on filling us in about this whole science fair and how it works?" Jack asked, trying to get the top to close a bit more, but giving up as it stubbornly fell open again.  
  
"I was about to do that, Sir." Sam replied, her eyes not quite meeting his. "It's not so much a science fair, and there aren't any stalls or anything like that. As there will likely be a couple of hundred Goa'uld, they will separate us into groups. I will probably have to give some sort of lecture on the naquadah reactor at least once a day for a different crowd."  
  
"I thought you were supposed to be spying on them." Jack remarked.  
  
"Of course. The lecture won't take much more than an hour, and then I am free to listen to the others in our group. I don't know what the roster is yet, but I will send you and Daniel to retrieve one as soon as we set down." She continued.  
  
"Set down?" He chose to ignore the sending out business.  
  
"As an act of trust, every Goa'uld will land his Tel'tac between the others. It's pretty convenient as well, because it means they don't have to design buildings to accommodate us all." She explained.  
  
"Well what do you know? Cheap Goa'ulds." Jack smirked, and received a soft chuckle from Sam. "Anything else we should know, Carter?"  
  
Sam looked thoughtful, then shook her head. "Not that I can think of. Just keep in mind that you are slaves. That means you should keep a low profile, and don't talk to anyone unless you're asked a question. Do whatever they tell you, don't talk back, and keep your head down. Some Goa'uld really can't stand it if their slaves try to look them in the eyes - it's supposed to be a sign of stubbornness and insolence."  
  
She turned away from him. "Jonas, how's your Goa'uld coming along?"  
  
"Pretty good," Jonas grinned more broadly when Daniel nodded his approval.  
  
"Good," Sam smiled, and turned back to Jack. "Sir, I want you to always stay close to either Daniel or Jonas. The last thing we need is an incident because you don't understand Goa'uld."  
  
"Yes, Ma'am." Jack spat in reply, resenting the implication that he might screw a mission up because he couldn't speak snakehead. If he wasn't wrong, it wasn't so long ago that she couldn't either.  
  
She must have noticed his mood as he saw her wanting to comment, but Razi called for her before she could.  
  
"Samantha, we are approaching the checkpoint."  
  
Chapter 4  
  
It was official. A geek, no matter if he was human, Tok'ra, Tollan, or Goa'uld, was boring.  
  
Jack shifted his weight to his other foot as his knee began to protest. He and Jonas had been standing behind Ilina's chair for what seemed like hours. He had no clue how long it had really been, as all scientific speeches seemed to have this magical way of making a minute feel like an hour.  
  
His eyes drifted towards Jonas, who seemingly hadn't moved at all since they'd arrived. His "this is so interesting" smile hadn't left his face for a second, and Jack wondered if it would blow their cover. He could easily imagine their wanted posters "Jack O'Neill, sarcastic warrior. Daniel Jackson, geek scientist with glasses. Jonas Quinn, geek scientist with constant smile. Teal'c, shol'va. Samantha Carter,..."  
  
Ilina moved and caught his attention; holding out her empty cup, she motioned for him to fill it. He wouldn't have minded a drink himself. Carefully, he picked up the carafe and filled the golden cup. His eyes met Ilina's.  
  
"I know you are bored, O'Neill, but this will be the last demonstration for today." She whispered, and he wondered if Carter had told her about his short attention span when it came to technobabble.  
  
He merely nodded, and stepped back to his rightful place. He would be glad to see Carter again. Ever since they'd come to the checkpoint, Ilina had taken control, and although he understood why, it still didn't feel right.  
  
Finally, the speaker finished his demonstration. Seriously, how long could you talk about shield modulations? If he were in the SGC, he would have bolted out of the room right now to go punch on something in the gym.  
  
Instead, he was supposed to wait for Ilina. She slowly got up, the blue dress drawing his attention to her curves, when out of nowhere a Goa'uld walked up to her.  
  
"Ilina," the woman drew her attention. "I am Hanitha. Your naquadah reactor is most interesting." She smiled appreciatively, as Jonas put the silk cloak on Ilina's shoulders.  
  
Ilina smiled insincerely. "It is. But you have nothing that will make a worthy trade." Jack couldn't help but grin as Hanitha's face fell.  
  
"You would consider yourself fortunate to be in possession of my cloaking device." Jack definitely observed some hurt Goa'uld pride there.  
  
"I doubt it. Once you enter hyperspace, the device will fail." Ilina brushed her off, and was starting to leave, when Hanitha called her back.  
  
"Perhaps there is something else we can trade."  
  
Ilina turned back toward Hanitha. "You have my attention."  
  
"I knew I would." She looked Jonas up and down, and then the Colonel, her eyes travelling to every part of his body. "I have an improved Deathglider, carrying a cloaking device that will keep working, even when it enters hyperspace."  
  
That certainly caught Ilina's attention. Hell, it even caught *his* attention.  
  
"Go on." Ilina encouraged.  
  
Hanitha seemed quite smug that she finally had Ilina's interest. "We can not talk of it here. We shall meet after supper at the landing site." After another quick look at Jack, she quickly turned and started to walk away.  
  
"Hanitha," Ilina called out. "What god do you serve?"  
  
The Goa'uld smiled. "Bastet." With a short nod, she slipped away.  
  
*****  
  
"You are certain she is not lying?" Razi asked.  
  
They'd arrived back at the Tel'tac only a few minutes ago, and Carter - well more like Ilina - had immediately begun to explain everything to Razi.  
  
Ilina grinned. "I am sure she will try, but everything indicates this is the Deathglider."  
  
"Hey!" Jack interrupted, pointing at Ilina. "Back up there. *The* Deathglider. Am I missing something here?"  
  
For a second he could have sworn he saw guilt in her eyes, but it was gone as quickly as it arrived. "Our operatives have reported rumours that Bastet is in possession of a new prototype for the Deathglider. It is improved, has heavier weapons, and a cloaking device. It cannot be a coincidence that Hanitha mentioned this as well." She explained.  
  
Jack groaned, realising the Tok'ra were screwing them once again. "And you didn't tell us this because . . .?"  
  
She hesitated before continuing. "As I said, they were rumours. We saw no need to alarm you until we received confirmation."  
  
"Did Carter know about this?" He growled.  
  
Ilina nodded. "Samantha was aware of the information. However I . . ."  
  
"I don't care what you did!" Jack shouted. "I've come to expect this from you, but you're in Carter's head. She should have reported this!"  
  
"If you would let me finish." Ilina pleaded.  
  
"Please, go ahead. Don't let me stop you." He glared at her a final time before stomping out of the Tel'tac.  
  
*****  
  
Jack didn't care which way he was heading, and hearing Daniel calling after him to wait up only encouraged him to increase his pace.  
  
"Damn it, Jack!" Daniel was out of breath when he finally caught up.  
  
"Daniel, I swear, if you're going to defend Carter on this one, I'm so gonna kick your ass." He growled his warning.  
  
"Actually no, I'm not. I think you're right." Well, that was a first.  
  
"You think I'm right?"  
  
Daniel nodded. "She should have told us, but you know what the Tok'ra are like."  
  
Jack snorted, and Daniel chose to ignore it.  
  
"I think Sam honestly believed she was doing the right thing."  
  
"Well guess what - she wasn't."  
  
"Jack, we're talking about Sam here." Daniel pleaded.  
  
"Are we?" He stopped dead in his tracks and turned towards Daniel. "Are we really talking about Carter? Or about Ilina? Is there even a difference? I don't know Daniel, you tell me. The Carter we had on our team wouldn't have done this."  
  
Daniel swallowed, the words he uttered not as confidently spoken as before. "For all I know she still is Sam, Jack. She wouldn't set us up. We have to believe her."  
  
Jack shook his head, and started walking again. "At least one of us does."  
  
*****  
  
Jack and Daniel had returned half an hour later, and Sam had felt the reservation toward her the minute they'd entered the Tel'tac. It had taken a lot of restraint to not take control and try talking to both of them. Ilina had stopped her, pointing out the risk of being found out. They couldn't afford to be discovered - too much depended on it.  
  
She'd watched with detachment as Jack ate dinner, and then got ready to head to the meeting point. Without so much of a word, they walked through the Tel'tac's toward the tents where the demonstrations were held.  
  
Hanitha was already waiting for them.  
  
She smiled insincerely. "I was starting to think you were not going to come."  
  
"I must admit I considered it." Ilina quipped, giving the woman a cold smile in return. "This better not be a waste of my time."  
  
"I am sure it will not be." Hanitha's eyes slipped from their face, and back toward Jonas and Jack, annoying both Sam and Ilina.  
  
"Then I suggest you get on with it." Ilina snapped.  
  
Hanitha grinned and looked back at them. "As you wish," she inclined her head, trained at sucking up. "I have something I believe your master is interested in..."  
  
"You should not assume so quickly." Ilina interupted.  
  
Hanitha's smile faltered. "Who is your master?"  
  
"That does not concern you."  
  
"I believe it does. You will understand that Bastet does not wish this technology to fall into the hands of her opponents like Yu." Hanitha insisted.  
  
"My master is not Yu. In fact, I am sure my master Osiris will show loyalty for this technology." Ilina paused for a second. "If you even possess it." This was the lie they'd agreed upon. The chances of any Goa'uld here being able to contact Osiris, and check her references within a week, were very slim. His alliance with Anubis had made him an outcast within the System Lords, but at the same time, having him indebted would proof beneficent were Anubis to grasp all power.  
  
Hanitha knew this as well, and she nodded thoughtfully. "I assure you that I have the technology. You will understand of course that I do not have it here with me."  
  
"Naturally," Ilina agreed.  
  
"You will also understand that the Deathglider is worth much more than your reactor." Hanitha continued.  
  
Ilina grinned. "I do not. I believe you wish to use it to power the cloaking device."  
  
The irritation was evident on Hanitha's face. "As you wish. The reactor for the design of the Deathglider." Her eyes drifted back to the two men standing behind Ilina. "And a little bonus to close our deal."  
  
"To close a deal, you must have one first." Ilina remarked smoothly. "I wish to see the Deathglider before I agree to anything."  
  
Hanitha gritted her teeth, but nodded. "Very well. I will contact you again when everything is arranged."  
  
Without a further greeting she headed back to the Tel'tac's, making sure to brush past Colonel O'Neill on the way. The annoyance was a shared sentiment, but at least they had set the first step in motion successfully.  
  
*****  
  
Jack stared up at the golden ceiling, the events of the day nagging at him, and keeping sleep away. Carter had held information from them, just like any Tok'ra would do. He wasn't sure which bothered him more: that she hadn't told them everything, or that this act showed that she truly was one of *them*.  
  
Part of him wanted to try and understand why she had done it, but the larger part of him trampled that feeling. Not once since they had got here, had he been faced with Carter. Ilina seemed to be in control all of the time, and he'd be damned if he talked to her about this. He knew it was an excuse, he'd be just as damned if he would talk to Carter. At least he would have had some reassurance that she was still there, agreeing with what was going on. Secretly, he wished she wasn't, that her betrayal was a forced one.  
  
Any further thoughts were cut off as low humming sound filled the air. His cot stared to shake, and groaning sounds came from the bulkhead. Quickly he jumped up from the bed as his mind tried to find out a possible explanation to what was happening. Earthquake? Were they supposed to hum?  
  
He noticed Daniel and Jonas getting up as well.  
  
"What is going on?" Daniel cried out as the shaking increased.  
  
Jack shook his head, he knew that sound, but surely it couldn't be?  
  
The three off them hurried to the bridge to find Razi sitting in the pilot's seat. He tapped some keys and turned towards them.  
  
"What the hell is going on?" Jack shouted over the noise as all of a sudden thesudden the ground stopped shaking, and the sound died out. He cleared his throat, and repeated the question.  
  
"A mothership just landed." It wasn't Razi who answered, but Ilina who had just entered the Tel'tac.  
  
"A what?" Jack demanded, he must had heard wrong.  
  
"A mothership," Ilina answered calmly, defying his glare.  
  
He closed his eyes, and held up his hands. "Hang on. For a minute there I thought you said a mothership just landed."  
  
When he opened his eyes, Ilina nodded. "I did."  
  
"You mean those big goldish ships in the form of a pyramid?"  
  
Ilina nodded again.  
  
"The ones that usually carry Jaffa armies? And Goa'ulds? Deathgliders? And huge big honkin' guns?" He really wasn't losing his temper.  
  
"Yes." Ilina stated simply, and he resisted the urge to step up and give her a good shaking.  
  
He groaned, and shut his eyes again. This was bad, very bad, and somehow he wondered if it was all a coincidence. "I want to talk to Carter." He demanded as he'd cleared his thoughts.  
  
Ilina shook her head. "Colonel, it is too risky. If someone should notice..."  
  
"We're inside a Tel'tac, for crying out loud! Close the damn door, and no one will notice. Now let me talk to Carter!" The little patience he had left was quickly escaping him.  
  
Ilina looked at him defiantly, not wanting to give in. "You are not in command here, Colonel." She reminded him.  
  
He felt the same panic rise in him as when he'd first seen Ilina in control of Sam's body. What if Ilina really was controlling her? Not thinking, he grabbed her arm, and pulled her into the cargo hold, closing the door behind them before Daniel or Jonas could object.  
  
He released her suddenly, making her stumble.  
  
"Colonel!" Carter cried out. His eyes flew to hers for confirmation that it was really her, and not Ilina.  
  
"Carter?" He asked unsure, even if the subtle change in her features already affirmed it.  
  
She nodded, her anger mixed with confusion at his outburst. "Sir? What's going on?" She took a cautious step closer.  
  
He took a shuddering breath, squashing the memories of his own blending. He'd understood Kanan's actions, knew why he'd to get back to the woman he loved - but he'd been trapped in his own body, unable to go back home.  
  
"Sir?" Sam tried again, and when he looked up, he found she was standing quite close.  
  
He took a deep breath, and once he was certain his voice wouldn't give way, he spoke. "I'm alright." She seemed relieved that he'd finally replied.  
  
For a second he felt uncertain fingers touch his arm, but as soon as he looked at her hand, she drew it back self-consciously.  
  
"Carter, what is going on? Why didn't you tell us about the Deathglider?" The anger started to rise again, but he needed to understand.  
  
Sam shook her head. "Ilina told you everything," she answered, not meeting his eyes.  
  
"Well, repeat it for my benefit." Jack insisted. Something was wrong - he knew it.  
  
She sighed, and closed her eyes. "Operatives discovered that Bastet might be in possession of an improved Deathglider. The Council didn't believe that the information should be passed on to Earth, as there were was nothing you could do about it."  
  
Jack groaned at the presumption. "What did you think?"  
  
Sam opened her eyes, and looked at him for a long moment, chewing her lip nervously. "I didn't like it, but the Council was right. There was little Earth could have done. If I'd believed otherwise, I'd have told you."  
  
Her eyes were unreadable, and Jack rubbed a tired hand over his face. "What about the mothership?"  
  
"What about it?" Sam asked frowning.  
  
"Who's on it?"  
  
"Bastet," Sam sighed.  
  
"Nice coincidence," Jack snapped. "Did you know she was coming?"  
  
Sam fell silent, staring down at her boots.  
  
"Carter! It's a simple question. Did you, or did you not, know she was coming?" He demanded.  
  
"Sir, please?" She finally looked up at him with pleading eyes. He still couldn't read her - something that annoyed him immensely. Yet at the same time, there was something there, something that he couldn't deny or wipe just away. It only inflamed his anger.  
  
"Please what, Carter?" He growled. "Just answer the goddamn question!"  
  
"Don't," she whispered.  
  
"Don't what?" He cried out, knowing they could probably hear him on the bridge.  
  
"Don't make me lie." She finished. Maybe it was guilt he saw in her eyes.  
  
The softly spoken words hit him squarely in the face. He didn't know how to respond to her silent plea. It was too familiar, too much part of his own past. He still could hear Sara asking him what happened after he'd finally got home after months of being MIA, still hear himself begging her to not ask, not make him lie to someone he cared deeply about.  
  
She must have seen him waver as she held his gaze. "Please, Sir. Just trust me."  
  
They stood silently for a long time, while he considered whether trusting her was still something he could do.  
  
"I'm not sure I can, Carter." He whispered finally. The hurt and disappointment on her face was enough to undo him. "I want to, but I'm not sure I can."  
  
She nodded, a strange kind of acceptance coming over her. "I understand, Sir." She whispered just as softly, before she silently went back to the door.  
  
She disappeared unto the bridge as soon as the door was opened far enough to allow her to escape.  
  
Chapter 5  
  
Jack stared down at the food in front of him. He couldn't have identified it if his life depended on it, and he wasn't even sure that he wanted to. Lunch really was becoming a challenge.  
  
It had been two days since Bastet's mothership had landed. The presence of the System Lord didn't change much. They still attended the presentations every day, although for some reason Ilina always made him join her, accompanied by either Daniel or Jonas. He figured it was probably just to spite him, as he couldn't imagine anything more boring.  
  
He slowly picked up a green piece, and sniffed it. It didn't smell dangerous, so he popped it in his mouth. Okay, he'd had worse - like that orange thingy before this.  
  
As he ate, he realized he was wrong; one thing had changed since Bastet's arrival. Every evening, for just five minutes, Ilina withdrew and gave Sam control. He wasn't sure what to think of it. It felt like the Tok'ra was trying to prove something. Or worse, she might just be doing it to reassure him, which just added to his annoyance. He tried not to take it out on Carter, he really did, but all the wrong words made it to the surface, the same way they usually did with him. It happened because somewhere, it did reassure him, even if only a little.  
  
"Colonel?" Jonas saved him from having to try the white stuff.  
  
"Hmmmm?" He didn't want to sound too enthusiastic.  
  
"Could I speak to you?" Jonas' eyes drifted towards where Razi and Ilina where talking.  
  
"Sure," Jack looked up at him expectantly.  
  
"In private?" The skittish look that had replaced his normal plastered on smile made Jack suspicious.  
  
"Alright." Jack frowned but stood up, letting Jonas lead him outside. They walked for a little while, until they were far enough from the Tel'tac. Jack's patience failed him when Jonas didn't show any sign of talking.  
  
"Ok, Jonas. What is it?" He asked, slightly annoyed.  
  
Jonas turned and looked back, making sure they were far enough away.  
  
"I'm not sure, Sir." He finally answered.  
  
"You're not sure?" This was going great.  
  
"This morning when Ilina, Doctor Jackson and yourself were at the demonstrations, I was left alone with Razi. Not long after you left, Razi left as well, and didn't return until shortly before lunch." Jonas explained.  
  
Jack frowns. "That's hardly a crime."  
  
"He took supplies with him. Food, medkit, waterflasks, a sleeping bag, and flashlights. When he returned, he had nothing with him."  
  
"You're sure?"  
  
Jonas nodded. "Positive, Colonel. I watched him pack them. When I asked where he was going, he brushed it off."  
  
Jack sighed. He wanted to put his hands in his pockets, but realised he had none.  
  
"Colonel, what do you want to do?" Jonas asked uncertainly.  
  
"I don't think there's much we can you. Just keep your eyes on Razi, and let me know if you notice anything odd." He frowned and considered his words. "Well odd for a Tok'ra. I'll try and talk to Carter about it." He sighed, wondering if it'd have much effect. He wasn't sure whose side she was on, but her plea to trust her gave him the small hope that it just might be his.  
  
Jonas nodded. "Will do, Colonel."  
  
"Come on, let's go back. I have some white stuff getting cold." He joked, as his mind tried to work out what was going on.  
  
Jonas frowned and then grinned in understanding. "That's Keloipe. It's quite interesting actually. It's made of..."  
  
"Ah! Jonas!" Jack cried out. "I really don't want to know."  
  
As they made their way back to the Tel'tac, they noticed a slave exciting the vessel, closely followed by Daniel. When he noticed Jack and Jonas approaching, he walked up to them.  
  
"That was a slave of Hanitha. She has arranged a meeting later tonight to go see the Deathglider. Apparently it's on board the mothership."  
  
*****  
  
Had he mentioned that he didn't like this plan? That is was utterly insane? Probably a couple of times, but Ilina had dismissed his comments.  
  
He glared at her back as they made their way through the golden corridors. He was inside a Goa'uld mothership for crying out loud, accompanied by a Goa'uld, a Tok'ra, and a legion of Jaffa. The whole ship was like Fort Knox. Ilina had explained that Bastet barely trusted anyone, a paranoia that comes naturally if you're not to be trusted yourself.  
  
Jack sighed, and looked around. Both Jonas and Daniel were listening keenly to the conversation Hanitha and Ilina were holding. Not that Jack wasn't interested in knowing what was going on, he just had no clue whatsoever what they were saying, because they were talking in Goa'uld. Asking Daniel for a translation wasn't an option either.  
  
They finally came to a halt in front of another door. A couple of Jaffa guards stood beside it, and quickly opened the door for Hanitha, obviously recognising her. As they entered the room, Jack realised they were inside the glider bay.  
  
Hanitha guided them up to a 'glider in the middle of the bay. Looking around, he noticed that even inside the security was very high. This didn't bode well. If they wanted to get their hands on the 'glider, they would have a lot of resistance, and the fact that they didn't have any weapons at all didn't escape his attention.  
  
At first glance, the Deathglider seemed to be just like the others, but at closer look he noticed the new cannons on it. The model seemed slightly more aerodynamic; the pilot in him was itching to go for a test flight.  
  
He turned towards Ilina and Hanitha, who were still talking in Goa'uld. He didn't need to understand to know that Hanitha was explaining the improvements to her. He swallowed as he noticed the enthusiastic glimmer in Ilina's eyes; it was so much like Carter's when she discovered a new doohickey to play with.  
  
"Most impressive," Ilina remarked, brining the conversation back to English, most likely for his benefit.  
  
Hanitha grinned. "I thought you might say that. I will provide you with the designs to the Deathglider, when I get the designs for your naquadah reactor."  
  
Ilina shook her head. "You assume too much, Hanitha. The alternations you made are simple, basic even. I can easily make them myself."  
  
"You are wrong," Hanitha recovered quickly. "The cloaking device..."  
  
"Might be interesting." Ilina nodded. "But you still need the naquadah reactor to perfect it."  
  
Hanitha seemed satisfied with that answer. "I am sure we can agree on something."  
  
"I would not be." Ilina said harshly. "But I will discuss things with my Lord."  
  
Her words didn't discourage the Goa'uld, who bowed her head. "Very well. Send one of your slaves when you have made your decision." Her glittering eyes swept from Daniel, to Jonas, to finally rest on Jack.  
  
"Perhaps there is another trade we can make." She said with a smile, and stepped up to them. With a small grin she let her hand glide over Jonas' chest. "Your slaves are very pleasurable." She didn't notice the look of horror on his face.  
  
"I would not keep them, if they were not." Ilina remarked with a small shrug.  
  
With a last appreciative look at Jonas, she walked up to Jack. "This one is old for a slave."  
  
Jack was about to open his mouth and tell her exactly what he thought, when he caught Ilina's eyes. Her look silenced him immediately.  
  
"But I understand why you keep him around. The silver hair is appealing." Hanitha grinned, and let her hand trail over his arm. "And he is in good condition."  
  
Ilina looked annoyed, and walked up to them. "I am well aware of the condition of my slaves."  
  
"Perhaps you would be interested in a trade?" Hanitha smiled, and drew back a little. "Two of my younger slaves for this one?"  
  
"I think not." Ilina answered. "This one is not for trade, not even if you offer me twenty slaves. None of them are." She added quickly, taking on a defensive posture.  
  
Hanitha looked annoyed, but stepped back completely. "I understand." She nodded, and then motioned toward the door. "Shall we?"  
  
Ilina glared at her one more time, before following their Jaffa escorts out of the glider bay.  
  
Daniel rolled his eyes as he noticed the smug grin on Jack's face. "Your ego is big enough already, Jack."  
  
Jack smirked. "You're just jealous, Danny boy."  
  
*****  
  
With his back against the bulkhead, Jack sat waiting on the bridge for Carter to return. After dinner she had slipped outside and now, hours later, she still hadn't returned. After Razi had turned in for the night, he and Jonas had informed Daniel about their suspicions. He smiled ruefully as he remembered the young man reasoning that there had to be a logical explanation. Sam wouldn't lie to them. Perhaps not, but what about Ilina?  
  
So Jack had volunteered to talk to Carter about it. Daniel had offered to stay with him and wait for her to return. Naturally, he had declined, hoping that just maybe, she would let him in on everything if he could just talk to her alone.  
  
A soft rustling pulled him out of his reverie, and he heard someone enter the bridge, the doors to the Tel'tac closing behind them. He silently watched her move further into the room, still oblivious to his presence.  
  
"So, where did you disappear to?" Carter jumped, and swivelled around.  
  
For a split second he could hear her reply forming in his mind 'Sir, you frightened me. I hadn't noticed you.' But the startled answer never came.  
  
"I was exploring the perimeter." The metallic voice, so much unlike Carter's, answered.  
  
"Don't get me wrong." Actually, he couldn't care less if she did or not. "But isn't that something you do when you first arrive?"  
  
"That would be advisable." Ilina nodded her agreement.  
  
Jack stared at her, willing her to explain things without his encouragement. When that didn't seem to be working, he continued. "So?"  
  
She cocked her head. "So what?"  
  
That sounded way too human to his liking. "So what were you doing outside?"  
  
"As I said, I was exploring the perimeter." Ilina repeated, sounding somewhat exasperated.  
  
Groaning Jack pushed himself off the ground and walked toward her. "I wanna talk to Carter."  
  
Ilina swallowed as her eyes drifted from the sealed door she had just come through, toward the cargo bay, noticing it was closed as well. "I do not believe that would be prudent." She announced matter of factly.  
  
"It's as prudent as it was yesterday." Jack replied harshly. "Let me talk to Carter."  
  
She seemed more reluctant than any other day, her eyes slightly narrowing as she seemingly considered his request. "Very well. Samantha wishes to inform you of something anyway." She finally gave in, and Jack wondered if Sam had won the debate with the Tok'ra. His mind still didn't seem to be able to come to terms with the fact that Carter was as much Tok'ra now as Ilina.  
  
"Sir?" Carter asked uncertainly. He couldn't help the relief that washed over him every time it was actually her, even if he wasn't sure of that.  
  
Angry with himself, he took a step back. "Carter, what the hell is going on?" He demanded.  
  
She saved him the charade of asking what he meant. "Sir, Ilina was telling the truth."  
  
"Okay, fine. So tell me, did Razi need those supplies to check out the perimeter as well?" He raised his eyebrows, waiting for her answer.  
  
Her shoulders slumped, and her eyes rested on his chest as she replied. "No."  
  
"Then what?" He snapped.  
  
"Razi has been in contact with a Tok'ra operative on the mothership." She raised her voice to his level.  
  
"And you were gonna tell me this when?" She seemed to be acting more and more like a Tok'ra every day.  
  
"Now actually," Sam crossed her arms in front of her chest defensively.  
  
"Do you really expect me to believe that?" His laughter sounded more like a bark.  
  
"That's up to you, Sir." She glared at him. "We need to make sure that Deathglider is destroyed before another Goa'uld finds out about it."  
  
"Ya think?" Jack rolled his eyes.  
  
"Sir, will you just listen?" It sounded more like an order than a question. But then again, Hammond did put her in command, and no doubt he would be talking to the fine General about it when they got back.  
  
He motioned for her to continue, still annoyed.  
  
"The Tok'ra operative has been given orders to place bombs all over the mothership. The countdown is set so it will explode during the demonstrations on the last day. It should effectively destroy the mothership, the Deathglider, and probably the tent and Tel'tac's around it as well."  
  
"Wow, hang on! Won't that blow us up?"  
  
"If we stay here, yes. Ilina has her demonstration in the morning, so we'll know whether or not Bastet will be among the casualties. By the time the explosion occurs, the Tel'tac will be at a safe distance from the planet." She explained.  
  
"Why not just steal the Deathglider? That way we get ourselves an advanced toy... if the Tok'ra don't hog it all that is."  
  
Sam shook her head. "You saw how high the security is on board the mothership. We have no weapons whatsoever. We'd get caught, or worse, if we tried to steal it. Besides, Bastet has the designs, she could simply order another one built. We need to destroy the Deathglider, and the blueprints."  
  
"They're blue?" Jack tried to joke.  
  
"No. Sir!" Carter rolled her eyes at his lame attempt of a joke, but smiled none the less.  
  
"So we'll be destroying Bastet as well as the Deathglider, and the geek Goa'ulds?"  
  
Carter nodded, grinning broadly. "If this plan succeeds, it will probably mean the end of the technological collaboration between the Goa'uld and the system lords. It will be easier to destroy minor Goa'ulds who depend on this for their technological advancements."  
  
"It's an awful lot of hosts, slaves, and Jaffa that will be joining them, though." Jack whispered, collateral damage a constant fact in their war against the Goa'uld. He always hated the term, trying to turn human loss into an object.  
  
The words, not formed as an accusation, seemed to have that effect. Carter's head shot up, and she glared at him. "I know that, Sir!" She shouted. "Do you really think I would do this if there was another option?"  
  
"Carter," he tried to calm her down.  
  
"Do you have any idea how many Tok'ra have given their lives in this war?" She didn't listen.  
  
"Major!" He yelled back.  
  
Her mouth snapped closed, her eyes wide as she stared at him. "I'm sorry, Sir." She finally whispered. "It's been a long day."  
  
Jack frowned. "Yeah, it has been."  
  
"I should get some sleep." She murmured, as she pinched the bridge of her nose.  
  
"Headache?" He didn't mean to sound concerned.  
  
"No, Ilina takes care of those." Her hand fell to her side, but he was unable to hold her look as her eyes were lowered.  
  
"Carter, are you alright?" He didn't mean to be concerned.  
  
Sam shook her head. "Yeah, I'm fine. Peachy." The smile was forced. "I'm gonna get some rest." She said warily as she turned toward head to her part of the Tel'tac.  
  
"Carter," he stopped her escape. "Would you... would you tell me if you weren't?"  
  
She looked over her shoulder, their eyes meeting for a moment. "Thank you, Sir." The smile she gave him was genuine.  
  
When she turned back and squared her shoulders, he knew Ilina had taken control again.  
  
*****  
  
Jack woke up to the sound of whispering. He tried to make sense of the words, only to realise they weren't English. The rest of the week had gone smoothly, and he prayed that today would be the same. His eyes rested on the bulkhead, and he wondered if it was already day. When he looked at his watch, he found it was still 0400 hours, well before sunrise.  
  
The voices got more agitated. There was an urgency in the whispering he recognised as Razi's voice. The reply came swiftly, short words that seemed like an order coming from Ilina.  
  
Finally, his curiosity got the better of him, and he slipped of the bed, quietly making his way up to the door leading to the bridge.  
  
Ilina, Razi, and a third man, who he guessed was the Tok'ra operative, stood facing away from him. None of them seemed to have noticed his presence as they continued talking. Razi pulled a small vial out of his tunic and handed it to Ilina. Their hands stayed locked for a moment as their eyes met. Although Jack didn't understand the words Razi spoke, he recognised the concern in his voice. Ilina forced a smile in response, and then pocketed the vial.  
  
Deciding he'd seen enough, Jack took a step forward and cleared his throat. "Did I miss the memo about this meeting?" He asked curiously as all three Tok'ra turned towards him, surprise on their faces.  
  
"Colonel O'Neill," Ilina said nervously, her hand going to the pocket where she'd just put the vial.  
  
"Yeah, who else were you expecting?" He eyed the unknown Tok'ra.  
  
"Colonel, this is Hosea. He is the operative Samantha told you about." Ilina explained quickly. "He came to inform us that the explosives have been placed, and are set to detonate at the agreed time. He will be leaving with us."  
  
"I'm sure he will." Jack nodded, and looked at Ilina. "What did Razi give you?"  
  
Ilina looked at him shocked, her hand moving protectively over her pocket again. "I'm not sure what you mean."  
  
"Don't play dumb with me." Jack groused. Not giving her a chance to deny it further, he walked up and pulled the vial out of her pocket. "Now what is it?" He demanded, waving it around.  
  
"Sir! Please, give that back. It's dangerous." Carter cried out in panic, and grabbed for the vial. Her hand closed around his, and she looked at him pleadingly.  
  
"Dangerous how?" He didn't let go of it.  
  
"Dangerous, as in that is the poison Daniel was going to use to kill the System Lords." As soon as the word 'poison' left her lips, Jack let go of the vial, and she quickly put it back into her pocket.  
  
"You mean the one that kills the snakes, but leaves the host alone?" Jack asked her unsure.  
  
"The very same, Sir. Razi, you know what to do." She looked at the Tok'ra for confirmation, and as soon as she got it, she walked up to the door and punched in the keys to open it.  
  
"Carter! Where the hell are you going with that?" Jack demanded, and followed her outside.  
  
She sighed and turned to face him. "Sir, Razi will explain everything if you just go back inside."  
  
"I don't want to hear this from Razi, Carter. I want you to tell me what the hell is going on."  
  
"Sir, please. There isn't time for this. Get back on the Tel'tac." The look of desperation was something Jack had only seen once before.  
  
Something was wrong. Something was terribly wrong, and he'd be damned if he let her leave now. All his instincts were screaming for him not to listen to her. He slowly took a step closer. "Not a chance in hell, Carter." He whispered so only she could hear.  
  
Sam swallowed, but nodded her head, understanding that whatever she was about to do, he wouldn't let her do it on her own. "Fine, Sir." She said just as softly before she shouted something to Razi, who had apparently followed them outside.  
  
"Follow me, I'll explain when we're somewhere less obvious." It was Ilina who spoke again, and as he followed her away from the Tel'tac's he heard the hum of the engines. When he looked up, he saw the Tel'tac he just had been on disappearing into the slowly colouring sky.  
  
*****  
  
"Wow, you guys have been busy." Jack remarked, as they made their way inside the typical crystal Tok'ra tunnels.  
  
"They go deep enough to withstand the explosion." Carter explained. She had taken control again as soon as they had entered the tunnels.  
  
"So I wasn't imagining things when I thought I saw our Tel'tac leave?"  
  
"No," Carter came to a halt without warning, and he nearly walked into her. "You were supposed to be on it." He heard her rummaging through something, and after a few seconds she turned on a flashlight.  
  
"Yeah, I thought so." He sighed, and followed her example as she sat down. "I take it that are the supplies Razi took with him?" He motioned to the backpack, and the sleeping bag on the ground.  
  
"Yes, Sir."  
  
"And you're not planning on just sitting here in this tunnel with that poison?"  
  
"No, Sir." Sam merely replied, not offering any further explanation.  
  
"Carter," Jack groaned, getting tired of her short replies. "Quit playing games, and tell me what the plan is."  
  
He expected her to make an excuse. To ask him yet again to just trust her, but instead she turned off the flashlight, and started talking. "The plan is still the same." Her voice was barely audible. "I go to the demonstrations. When the timing is right and I'm sure Bastet will be there, I release the poison, killing the Goa'uld present, Bastet, and her Jaffa. I then make my way back to this tunnel, seal the entrance with the one crystal I have left, and wait until Razi comes and get me 24 hours after the explosion of the mothership."  
  
Jack stared at her, at least he thought he was. "Won't that..."  
  
"Kill Ilina?" She finished for him. "Yes, Sir. It's a suicide mission - for her at least."  
  
For a minute all her could do was stare into the dark. The revelation delaying his anger over the fact that she had lied to him. "Can't we just blow them up? Why do you have to poison them?"  
  
"Because we can't take the risk that Bastet escapes. We can't have her pull an Apophis on us. If she escapes, so do the plans for the Deathglider. If they get put into practice, suffice to say it won't be good." She explained. "Especially not since there have been indications she is willing to join forces with Anubis."  
  
"Damn it, Carter. Why the hell didn't you tell us all this before we left?" The shock had gone, and been effectively replaced. "The Tok'ra already screwed us over plenty of times. Did you really have to help them? And turn that damn light back on!"  
  
After a few moments, Sam turned the flashlight back on. She looked pale, but he blamed it on the light.  
  
"Tell me honestly, Sir. Would you have agreed to take on this mission if you had known about this?" She asked softly.  
  
He stared at her, not understanding. "No, but I don't think you wanted me here anyway, did you?" He snapped back.  
  
"No, I didn't. Would you have let me go?" She asked, her eyes meeting his.  
  
"Hell, no!" He replied without thinking.  
  
"Then you know why I couldn't tell you." She leaned back against the crystal wall, and closed her eyes. "We have been given this one chance to kill Bastet. We had to take it. This is the only way we can be sure if we succeeded. If she escapes, or they manage to revive her in a sarcophagus, we will have failed. The poison will make any form of revival impossible. Ilina knows that, and I know that. It's a big price to pay, but it's worth it."  
  
Jack shook his head. "I don't get the Tok'ra. I don't get how you can think like them."  
  
Sam's eyes shot open, and only the white flash warned him before Ilina spoke up. "Samantha has informed me of your dislike toward the Tok'ra. I understand your reluctance, and even I do not always agree with the policies of the Tok'ra High Council. However, your reproaches are not justified. Is it not so that your military has sacrificed the lives of many individuals in order to protect your country? I do not see what is so different."  
  
Jack opened his mouth to protest, even if he had no idea what to say, but Ilina didn't allow him a chance to speak.  
  
"Is it not so that you and Samantha sacrificed what she calls a 'personal life' in order to continue fighting the war against the Goa'uld?"  
  
Jack's mouth snapped shut, and all he could do was stare at Ilina. She looked satisfied with that, and reached for the flashlight again.  
  
"That hardly compares!" He finally managed to find his voice.  
  
Ilina cocked her head and looked at him. "I very much disagree, Jack."  
  
The next moment she turned off the light, effectively ending the argument as well. All they could do now was wait for what would come.  
  
*****  
  
Standing behind Ilina, his every instinct was alert. Everything was going as planned. Some Goa'uld geek was explaining how to work a device that, for all Jack could tell, was supposed to glow. He was sure it had some other functions but he had no clue whatsoever what they might be.  
  
His eyes searched the crowd. Bastet was in the first row, two slaves and some Jaffa standing close by. Unlike the other demonstrations, there were Jaffa at the exits as well. Carter was right, she was paranoid, and with good reason. His offer to release the poison had been ruthlessly declined. There was no way the Jaffa would have let him enter the tent alone, and Carter leaving in the middle of the demonstration, without her slave, would have raised too much suspicion.  
  
As he stood behind Ilina, he felt the unease of eyes on him. He was being watched... He examined the different faces, but all of them seemed turned towards the demonstrator. All except one, he realised, as he suddenly found himself looking into Hanitha's eyes. Realising he was supposed to be a slave, he quickly turned his attention back to Ilina.  
  
"Hanitha is watching us." He whispered.  
  
Ilina nodded in acknowledgement. "I know."  
  
The speaker wrapped things up, and Ilina slowly rose from her seat. It was her turn to go up. "We have little time left - they started late today. Keep your eyes open. As soon as the poison is released, we will have to move quickly." She whispered as they made their way to the front of the room.  
  
"Ilina?" Jack reached out, and touched her hand briefly.  
  
She turned towards him, raising an eyebrow.  
  
"I'll take care of her." He promised, not knowing what else to say. An apology would have come too late.  
  
She smiled. "I know you will."  
  
As Ilina started to speak in Goa'uld, Jack looked back into the crowd. This time his eyes didn't find Hanitha's looking back at him. Confused, he kept searching, a slight panic rising in him when he still couldn't find her.  
  
He turned his attention back towards Ilina, noticing her hand was slowly pulling the small vial out of her pocket. Her movements were hidden behind the naquadah reactor that had been placed on the table.  
  
Bastet was listening closely to every word, and Jack wondered if the Goa'uld actually understood anything Ilina was saying. Suddenly a slight movement caught his eye. He drew in a sharp breath as he realised he had found Hanitha. She was standing on the other side of Ilina, a Jaffa guard right behind her. She didn't pay him any attention, her eyes fixed on the vial in Ilina's hand.  
  
Before Jack could do anything, Hanitha pulled the staffweapon out of the Jaffa's hand.  
  
"Shol'va!" She shouted, aiming it at Ilina.  
  
Startled, Ilina turned towards her, still gripping the vial. Jack could hear the commotion around him, staff weapons charging - probably all aimed at Ilina. He didn't bother to look though, his eyes staying fixed on Ilina's back.  
  
Hanitha was shouting at Ilina, probably demanding she drop the vial, but the Tok'ra didn't give in.  
  
His mind was spinning, trying to find some way to get Ilina and Carter out of this situation. There was none. He was outnumbered, and unarmed. The only weapon they had was the poison. He knew it, and so did Ilina. He saw her thumb move to the button to release it.  
  
Hanitha must have seen it as well as she raised the staff weapon. He heard someone shout, and it took a moment to realise it was him as he launched himself towards Carter. Too late. The staff ignited, and Ilina fell back. He managed to break her fall and ease her down unto the ground, her head in his lap. He ignored the Jaffa around him, shouting at him with words he didn't even want to understand.  
  
Ilina stared up at him, her hand against her chest gripping the vial tightly, and he noticed the broken glass. She gasped for air, and her eyes lit up a last time before Carter slipped into unconsciousness.  
  
'She will be alright. Carter will be alright.' He kept repeating to himself as he stared down at her abdomen. Blood was soaking up her blue dress, and he could only guess how much damage the staff weapon had done. There wasn't any time. He needed to get her out of here, as the explosions would soon go off.  
  
Only vaguely he realised the shouting around him had died down. When he looked up, he saw the Goa'uld and Jaffa lying on the floor, their slaves hunched over them, trying to understand what was happening. He wondered if they ever would find out, but pushed back the thought. He needed to get Carter into the tunnels.  
  
Quickly he stood up, taking her into his arms. He didn't allow himself time to think about how badly hurt she was. He needed to concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other, trying to not let his knees buckle under her dead weight.  
  
It seemed like an eternity before he finally reached the entrance. There was no time to look for the crystal to close them off. The explosion would do that for him. Stumbling into the dark, he ignored the blood clinging to his skin. Carter's blood.  
  
'She will be alright, she has to be.'  
  
Chapter 6  
  
A low rumbling and the slight shaking of the tunnels around him were all Jack heard of the massive explosions happening on the surface.  
  
He held Sam's body close as he walked down the crystal tunnels. He couldn't see a thing, and had no idea how much further he had to go to find the equipment Razi had left for them.  
  
A soft moan came from Sam, but he doubted she was conscious - something he was grateful for, even if it meant that she was a dead weight in his arms.  
  
He stumbled over something in the dark, barely staying upright. The shock jostled Carter, but except for another moan, she remained quiet. Carefully, he shuffled his foot around until he found the object that he'd nearly fallen over. He gave it a kick, and realised the texture was soft.  
  
"Thank God," he whispered, as he identified it as the sleeping bag.  
  
Carefully he placed Carter on the ground. His fingers swept over her face, but her eyes remained closed, her breathing shallow and ragged. It was better like this, he thought. As long as she was unconscious, she wouldn't be in too much pain.  
  
First things first; he needed to take a look at her wound, but to do that, he needed light. He had to force himself away from her side as he looked for the sleeping bag again. He placed it safely between his legs so he wouldn't lose it, then continued searching the ground. After what seemed like an eternity, his fingers finally connected with what he hoped was a bag. He pulled it towards him, and struggled to open the clasp. In a frantic movement, his arm disappeared into it, and he searched for anything that would give him some light. Frustrated, he finally dropped the contents over the floor, and started feeling everything.  
  
"Damn it, come on." He cried out, angry at his own clumsiness, until his hand finally wrapped around the flash light. "About time."  
  
He switched it on, and took in the heap before him. "Medkit!" Good, that was a start. He picked it up, and inhaled deeply before turning toward where Sam was lying. She lay motionless on the rocky floor.  
  
Placing the light so that he could see what he was doing, he grabbed the sleeping bag and unzipped it. Not giving himself a moment to think he, carefully moved Sam onto the now open bag.  
  
"Okay, Carter. I'm going to give you something against the pain first, and then I'll look at your wound." He found himself softly speaking to her, even though he knew she couldn't hear him.  
  
As he reached for the medkit again and opened it to get out the syringe, he looked up, and found her eyes watching him. Her face was pale, covered with a sheen of sweat, and her wide eyes stared at him. The calmness emanating from her did nothing to reassure him.  
  
He swallowed, and managed to hoarsely growl "Hey."  
  
She closed her eyes, and turned her head away. "What happened?"  
  
"Hanitha noticed what you were doing. She shot you." He explained gently, as his trembling hands set about to fill the syringe.  
  
"It hurts." She whispered softly, and he nodded, clenching his jaw.  
  
"I know, Carter, I know. I'm going to give you something for it." He checked the needle to make sure there were no air bubbles.  
  
He gently disinfected her arm before inserting the needle. Her skin was cool to the touch - too cool.  
  
"Sir?" Her eyes were fixed on him, but he found himself unable to look up. When he didn't answer, and simply finished with the injection, she continued. "How bad is it?"  
  
"I don't know, Carter. I'm gonna take a look at your wound now." Finally his eyes met hers, and he found himself enraged by the silent expectations he found there.  
  
She nodded, and lowered her head again, closing her eyes once more.  
  
"Are the drugs working?" He knew it was too soon, but he found it comforting to talk to her. At least it kept him from wanting to shout as he moved into a better position to tend the wound.  
  
Her dress was soaked with blood, and it was with shivering hands that he started to cut away the material from around the gaping hole in her stomach. Too big, too much blood, his mind kept screaming. "Carter?" He tried again when she didn't reply.  
  
"Damnit, Carter. Don't do this to me!" He all but shouted, as he quickly stripped offhis shirt and bundled up the material. Grasping one of the water bottles that had been in the bag, he dumped some of the contents onto the shirt. His hands were already stained in her blood as he pushed the cloth against the wound. "Carter! Talk to me." He put slight pressure to it, not daring to push harder, as it would only do more damage.  
  
"SAM!" He called insistently, and sighed in relief as her eyes flashed open.  
  
Her eyes searched the cave around them before finally settling back on him. "Sir?" She questioned, her voice weak and confused.  
  
He couldn't help but grin, even as the cloth he was holding became wet to the touch. "Stay with me, Major."  
  
He wasn't sure if she still knew what was going on, but she nodded in agreement.  
  
"Talk to me, Sam." He whispered, as he pulled back the shirt. It was already soaked. His eyes skimmed around the cave, trying to find something else he could use. He didn't want to cut up her dress as he would need to keep her warm. That basically left his pants.  
  
"It's so quiet, so lonely." Sam whispered after a long time.  
  
For the first time, he stopped and took a minute to listen. "Yeah, it is." He agreed, the only sound around them was that of Sam's ragged breathing.  
  
She shook her head. "No, I don't mean here."  
  
"What do you mean then?" He asked as he gently took her hand, and placed it on the shirt. "Hold on but don't push too hard." Their fingers intertwined for a moment before he pulled back.  
  
He took the scissors and set about cutting the legs from his trousers.  
  
"I don't mean here." Sam continued, and he saw her struggle to get up.  
  
"Don't move!" He quickly abandoned the task of cutting up his clothes as he reached out for her shoulder, and pushed her back down gently.  
  
"I want to see." She pleaded, but he shook his head.  
  
"Don't," he whispered, and his fingers gently brushed her cheek, leaving bloody stains on her pale skin. "What did you mean?" Once he was certain she wouldn't try to move again, he continued with the cutting.  
  
Sam licked her lips, and he made a note to give her something to drink as soon as he was finished with dressing her wound. "In my head." She answered at last.  
  
He swallowed as he realised what she was referring to - Ilina. She was no longer with her. If she were, perhaps she would have been able to stop the bleeding. "You miss her?" He noted, with a feeling mixed between jealousy and guilt.  
  
"She was my friend." Sam replied, as he stepped out of the now cut off legs.  
  
"I'm sorry, Sam." Jack whispered, and reached for her hand again. He gently squeezed it, before pulling it away from the wound and laying it down on the sleeping bag.  
  
He poured some more water on the fresh cloth, and prayed it would last longer than his shirt.  
  
"It must be bad if you're calling me by my first name." She tried to joke, but he knew the reality behind the comment.  
  
"It's not good." Jack had to agree, unable to lie to her, while he replaced the shirt with the fresh cloth.  
  
"Sir," she pleaded as he started to place the supporting bandage over the dressing that, to his dismay, was slowly turning red as well. "Jack." She corrected herself, but the word didn't bring the joy he so long had thought would accompany it.  
  
"Jack, I'm sorry." Her whisper was made harsh by her rapid breathing.  
  
"Damnit, Carter!" Jack cried out as he fastened the bandage. "Don't you dare!"  
  
Her blue eyes looked terrified.  
  
"Don't even think about saying your goodbyes! This is not over. We're gonna get out of here, and you can apologise all you want once the good ol' Doc fixes you up again." He raged at her, ignoring the pricking in his eyes.  
  
Jack watched her close her eyes in pain, but he wasn't sure whether it was physical or something else. "What if I don't make it?"  
  
His gaze wandered back to her wound, the sandy colour now completely red again. His hands and arms were sticky, covered in her blood, and he wished it still felt surreal, because he wasn't sure if he could handle it if it wasn't.  
  
"Jack," she pleaded for him to look at her.  
  
"Don't, Sam. Please, don't." He whispered as he met her eyes again. His sight was blurred, and with strange detachment he recognised the feeling of tears slipping down his cheek.  
  
"Jack, I'm sorry." She ignored his plea, and reached out for him, her trembling fingers trying to brush away the moisture on his face, only to replace it with the same stains he had left on hers.  
  
A shuddering breath managed to make its way through his tightened throat. He didn't want her to speak, didn't want to hear the apology, because it meant she was giving up. Yet he couldn't stop. He couldn't deny her while he remained covered in her blood. Sighing, he leaned into her, placing his hands beside her on the sleeping bag. "Sam..."  
  
She shook her head, and looked into his eyes, her cool hand covering his cheek. "I thought I could come back to you after this mission. I thought that if I just had the time to explain, that you would understand and forgive me."  
  
"I understand, Sam." Without thinking he brushed his lips over her forehead. "Go to sleep. You need to save your strength for when the others return."  
  
She sighed softly, and her hand slipped away from his cheek. "Thirsty." She murmured.  
  
He nodded, reached for the flask, and grabbed some antibiotics from the medkit. Settling himself beside her, he put his arm under her head, and carefully helped her sit up slightly. "Take these first." He whispered, and held out the pills. Unsteady fingers picked them from his hand, and popped them into her mouth.  
  
"Easy now." He whispered, as she took the flask from his hand, and brought it to her mouth. Some of the water spilled down her chin as her hand shook too violently to keep the bottle still. Tentatively, Jack reached out and steadied her hand with his. When she finished the last of the water, he eased her back down onto the sleeping bag.  
  
Her eyes were drooping as he gently stroked back her hair. "Now try to get some sleep." He whispered, as he saw her fight against it. "Please, Sam. You need to rest. I'll be here when you wake up." Not if but when, because he knew she would. "I have too much to tell you, you can't leave yet."  
  
She answered with a small nod, and finally closed her eyes, sleep overtaking her almost immediately. Jack sighed, and sat down on the ground. Unsteady hands closed her sleeping bag, needing her to stay warm.  
  
He watched her sleep in silence. Her breathing was too shallow, too fast; her skin too cool to the touch. He opened his watch and stared at the digits. It would be twenty-two more hours before Razi and the others returned. Her pale skin was a stark contrast to the bloody wound that covered most of her stomach. He wished he could do something more, something beside sitting here and watching the life drain from her. But the wound was too extensive, and there was not enough skin to stitch it closed.  
  
Not knowing what else to do, he started talking softly to Sam, trying to fill the cave with another sound besides her struggled breathing.  
  
*****  
  
Sam woke to soft murmuring. She couldn't make out the words, but the voice felt familiar and soothing. Everything was hazy, her mind too fogged to remember what had happened. All she knew was that it was too quiet, despite the fact that someone was talking to her. She felt empty without the reassuring presence of Ilina.  
  
Ilina! Suddenly it all came back to her; the demonstration, Ilina's quiet goodbye as she released the poison just before the blast of the staff weapon hit. Jack, his desperation as he tried to stop the bleeding. She had never seen his face so open, so full of emotion.  
  
Jack, he was the one talking to her, she realised. She felt so weak and dizzy. The world was spinning as her stomach heaved, and she fought hard to not throw up.  
  
"Oh God," she gasped. Her voice was barely audible, but it stopped the words flowing from Jack's lips.  
  
She felt Jack move by her side, realising only now how closely he had been sitting against her. "Carter, you alright?" She could hear his concern, feel it even. Why was she surprised that his touch was so gentle, his fingers stroking through her hair? She kept her eyes closed, concentrating on the touch, as the nausea settled down.  
  
"Carter, please speak to me." Jack insisted, and she finally managed to open her eyes.  
  
"What happened to calling me Sam?" She croaked.  
  
He grinned at her, relief evident. "You got used to that pretty fast." He chided gently.  
  
"I kinda like it." She found herself confessing, and if she had enough blood left in her body, she would probably have been blushing. "How... how bad is it?" Even talking made her tired, but she needed to stay awake now.  
  
He swallowed, and his eyes slipped away from hers. "I can't stop the bleeding. I had to cut up your dress, but I just can't seem to stop it."  
  
She nodded, not really surprised. "There's nothing you can do." She whispered.  
  
"No!" He shouted angrily, his eyes shooting up to hers again. "No, it's not okay! I should never have let you come in the first place..."  
  
"Don't you dare!" She glared at him with all the strength she had left. It was enough, as he shut up in surprise. "Guess what, Jack. You're not the only one who feels guilty. And don't give me that Commanding Officer crap, because this was not your choice. It was mine, and no one else's. So if you want to blame anyone, blame me."  
  
He remained quiet, and she knew if she didn't tell him now, she never would.  
  
"When I blended with Ilina, she told me of this mission. She had planned it weeks before, but her host's death had come too soon. Healing me took a lot of her strength, and another blend would probably have prevented her from carrying out this mission. She knew she was going to die, but she thought I could get out alive, return to my planet. I couldn't turn it down, Sir. A chance like this might never happen again - we had to do it." She noticed Jack's unease, but didn't give him time to interrupt. "She was sorry that she caused our friendship to end."  
  
"She didn't," Jack objected immediately, making Sam smile.  
  
"She liked you, you know." She grinned as she remembered. "She loved your sense of humour."  
  
"She had a funny way of showing it." Jack groused.  
  
Sam sighed. "You hated her."  
  
"No! No, I didn't." He sighed, and for the first time she noticed how tired he looked. "I just hated that she took you away from SG-1."  
  
"She didn't, not really. I don't think anyone could do that." She closed her eyes. "I would have been gone months ago if it wasn't for her."  
  
For the first time she allowed herself to remember her struggle with the cancer. The months when she had slowly come to the conclusion that she was going to die. Never in her life had she felt so lonely.  
  
"Sam?" Jack asked, unsure as she remained silent.  
  
"I needed you." She whispered, and finally opened her eyes, to find him sitting closer to her. "Not Janet, Jonas, Teal'c or Daniel. I needed *you*, Jack - but you weren't there."  
  
He didn't need to think about what she was saying, but knew instinctively. "I'm sorry, Sam." She saw the guilt written on his face. "I wanted to but I couldn't. I couldn't watch you die. I couldn't go through that again. It was..."  
  
"I know." She stopped his words by placing a finger to his lips. Her hand felt so heavy. "I know." Yet she was going to make him go through it again.  
  
She started when he gently placed a kiss on her finger. A pang went through her as she realised the small gesture could only mean one thing. He knew. Just like her, he knew.  
  
"Ilina seemed like a second chance. I thought we could make things right when I got back." She swallowed. "She had no regrets."  
  
"Ilina?" He looked at her, confusion on his face.  
  
Sam nodded. "She died fighting for a cause she believed in. It was an honour for her to die like that."  
  
"Do you?" Jack asked gently. "Have regrets, I mean."  
  
She sighed, and let her fingers explore his cheek, smiling tenderly as he leaned into the touch. "Too many. But it always came first, didn't it? This war."  
  
"It had to." She saw the regrets in his eyes, knowing they would remain with him if she didn't take them away.  
  
"There's one thing I don't regret." She whispered, and cupped his face in both her hands. She needed to touch him, for as long as she could, no matter how much her body was aching, and screaming for her to sleep.  
  
"What's that?" He asked hesitantly, his fingers brushing her temple.  
  
"I never let my feelings change." She felt his body shudder.  
  
"Oh God, Sam." He whispered and leaned in, bringing his forehead against hers. His eyes never had been this deep and troubled. Had never been this open. "You're saying goodbye, aren't you?" She heard the tremble in his voice, and nodded mutely.  
  
Her hands stroked through his hair, onto his neck, to finally clutch at his shoulders. There was so much that needed to be said, so many things she wanted to share with him, but never would. If she could just hold on to him a bit longer, maybe she could make up for it.  
  
His breathing was harsh as he buried his face in her neck. His arms somehow managed to wrap themselves around her. He was clinging to her, just like she was to him.  
  
"I'm so sorry, Sam. I was a jerk." He whispered against her skin. She could feel his face, wet against her cheek, and knew this time it wasn't from the blood.  
  
"Yes, you were." She replied and stroked through his hair. "But I understand. It's alright. I made a mistake, and you had to pay for it. I'm sorry too."  
  
She felt him shake his head, and a minute later he pulled back. Scared he would pull away completely, her fingers dug into his shoulder blades, desperately hanging on to him.  
  
"Easy," he whispered, and didn't move any further. His eyes met hers again, and he gently wiped her tears away. She hadn't even realised she was crying. "No more apologies, no more regrets." He told her gently.  
  
She nodded, not finding any strength in her body to speak.  
  
Jack gave her a watery smile. "Just this, just us." He brought his face back closer to hers. His dark eyes searched hers. She was relieved she no longer found the guilt there - only him, and the emotions they had fought so long.  
  
"Just us," she whispered, and his smile broadened as their noses bumped.  
  
"Just us," he agreed, and the next thing she felt were his soft lips on hers.  
  
It wasn't passionate, like it could have been if circumstances were different. It wasn't filled with regrets, like she had expected it to be if it had happened months ago. It was everything she had hoped it would be, only it was a goodbye, instead of a beginning.  
  
Sighing contentedly, she finally was where she wanted to be.  
  
*****  
  
Jack felt her soft breath on his lips. His whole body tensed as he waited for her to inhale again, but as her fingers loosened their grip on his shoulders, he knew that would never come.  
  
Epilogue  
  
It had been three months since the rings transported SG-1 back into Cheyenne Mountain. Her body had been a dead weight in his arms, a burden he still woke up to every night. He would have been more worried if he didn't.  
  
Soft footsteps behind him warned that someone was approaching. He didn't need to turn around to know who it was.  
  
"Jacob."  
  
"Jack," the man sat down next to him on the dock.  
  
"George told me you retired and went into hiding here." Jacob explained needlessly.  
  
When he didn't respond or even move to look at him, Jacob continued speaking.  
  
"It's nice here."  
  
"Yeah," he nodded in agreement, as he stared over the lake through his sunglasses. "It is."  
  
"Did Sam ever..."  
  
He knew what Jacob was asking. "No." It didn't change the fact that he felt her presence here constantly. Once again, he would have been more worried if he hadn't.  
  
They both remained silent for a while, looking at the softly rippling water, their loss binding them together.  
  
"I have something for you." Jacob announced suddenly.  
  
"Oh?" For the first time he turned away from the lake, and looked curiously at Jacob.  
  
Jacob dug into his pocket, and took out an envelope. "She gave this to me the last time I saw her. She knew there was a chance she wouldn't be coming back from this mission. I guess she never expected you to go with her."  
  
"No, she didn't." Jack reached out, and carefully took the envelope from him. Without giving it a second glance, he put it in his breast pocket. He had the strangest feeling it would never leave it again.  
  
"Aren't you going to read it?" Jacob asked curiously.  
  
Jack shook his head as he stared out over the lake once more.  
  
"I know what it says."  
  
THE END 


End file.
